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The Chronicles of my Boring Life

Watever i feel like!!

Wolfspeak
Community Member

Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2007 @ 03:06am

4 comments


	The 1st Poem I Wrote This is a poem about a spiritual battle between angels and demons. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Angels and Demons The war drums drum The time has come We will fight In the bright Of the night! The mirror shatters The demons come with torches of fire and ice. The war has started The time is nigh They will cheat They will lie But do not fear The time is now here The trumpets sound The gong pounds The light is bright The demons run We have now won! who here likes cheesecake!!?? http://s5.gladiatus.com/game/c.php?uid=41826 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ see the link above??i DARE u to click it!! >: )

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who here likes cheesecake!!??

http://s5.gladiatus.com/game/c.php?uid=41826

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
see the link above??i DARE u to click it!! >: )

User Comments: [4]

ThunderSparks
Community Member

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Fri Jun 29, 2007 @ 03:13am

Whats wrong with this poem?? I thought it was a nice poem!! Good job

Wolfspeak
Community Member

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Fri Jun 29, 2007 @ 03:16am

thx man i just thought it suked compared 2 yours

Sir Rain Sol
Community Member

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Sat Jun 30, 2007 @ 04:54pm

I suppose I am a harsh grader, but there are several places where you are off beat.
The words could be a bit harsher, too.
Consider the scenario, it's a war!
"Drums beat to the profuse pounding of axe on bloodied skin!"
You must bring the reader into the battle, and like I told you, no ghosts.

Don't be afraid to extend your lines, it leaves more room for descriptive adjectives and adverbs.

Wolfspeak
Community Member

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Tue Jul 10, 2007 @ 07:07am

hey no harm done i needed it to be graded and checked over thank you.

User Comments: [4]

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