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As i sit here

i think of you

i think of you and wonder

i wonder were you are

who your with

and how you feel.

If we feel the same

why is this distance between us?

I see you everyday

but we never say a word

a passing glance

that shifts away

a slight hello before you dissapear around the corner

and off into a life that i barely exist in

this distance...

this distance kills me inside

slowly,little by little

but you dont care

i lie to myself saying everything but how i feel

caught in denial and sorrow

only to be swallowed by it

ill wait forever

but the distance is eternal

engulfed in sorrow i wait...

for you to break this distance

and see me for who i am

a distant love

in a world dark and cruel.








alone...alone here waiting for someone

anyone to notice me

Looks of hatred and pity fly my way

as i walk lost among the familiar streets of my life

My friends try to help

but they cant help what they dont understand

they dont understand

so they stay away

are they afraid of me?

do they hate me?

lost and forgotten

the silence slowly embraces me

it welcomes me as i sit alone quietly beneath the big tree at the end of the street

i sit and stare at the open sky above me

wondering if ill ever feel anything more than lost and forgotten

suffering and frailty

now and forever i sit there...

and wonder if there's anything more

but for now

i am only lost and forgotten.








why?...

if only i could say those three words that would make all the pain go away

if only you were there...

like you said you would when we last spoke...

you said youd be here forever

but when i needed you...you were gone

im so dizzy

from running circles around my heart for so long

but ill keep running

if your waiting at roads end...

but when i look up

to see if your there

i see a road stretched out before me

as if it never ends

where did you go?

you said youd be here...i need you...

where did you go?

im alone now

but dont forget.....

...i'll always love you...







thining of you wherever you are...

the days pass as i dream of being with you again

i close my eyes and all i can see is your smile

my mind wanders and i think of your voice

i try to talk to you

but tho words just wont come

and yet you look at me as if im dumb

why dont you love me?...

i gave you all my love willingly...

and yet you throw it way as if its not enough...

but i love you..and thats enough for me...

so go and be happy

and forget about me...







i love you...

i dont expect you do feel the same

just give me the chance to show you

that i was meant for you and only you...

when you hug me...

i wish youd never let go

when you look at me...

i want to kiss you so much it hurts...

but when you talk to him....

i feel alone...

like i dont matter...

like i could die in less than a second...and you wouldnt care...

if you loved me....id feel a reason to live...

a reason to remain on this earth which hold so little for me...

i want you to notice me...but you like him better...

am i too short?...

too ugly?...

too immature?...

i can be anything you want me to be....if only...

ill just pretend to live...while i watch over you....

your silent angel in the shadows

of a life and love meant for no other...

no other...but you.







during my life...

i strive for things

things we could never have

things i am too afraid,too weak or too embarrassed to have

i strive...

and yet i wish you were mine...

i think of you...

you and only you...

and i wonder if you've ever thought of me...

dont tell me you love me...

if those words mean nothing...

dont tell me its worth it...

cause i'll feel nothing but pain...

it might be worth it...

but im finished here...

im done with you...

so go, be on your way...

walk out of my life...

and into the day...

there are no ''buts''...

there are no ''ifs''...

because in the end...

it was all a myth.







Regret...

the words slip off my tongue as i cast my face downward...

you tell me your sorry,but i cant believe you...

all the trust i had for you is now connected to that fear of rejection....

i say ''its alright...''

you say ''ok''

but inside it eats away at me like an infection...

you told me there is someone out there for everybody...

but i dont believe that either...

you asked if you hurt me and if i hated you...

i said neither...

you asked me how i felt...

i said i dont feel at all...

you said you were sorry....

i told you not to be...

i dont want you to worry...

or feel sorry for me...

just get out of my life...

and let me die...

...please dont hate me...

all i did was love you...

but that wasnt enough to keep your heart true...

now your gone...

and im all alone...

no email on my computer...no calls on the phone...

now everyone tells me it was for the best...

and ill be happy in the end....

but the only thing im left with...

is regret...
(this was 1 i wrote bout my ex lol dont judge!)






Rock-a-bye baby, from shadows I come.

Someone once told me all wrongs will be undone.

Rock-a-bye baby, to all those who died:

I am here now to fight by your side.

Rock-a-bye baby, still I must kill.

I am the monster that slaughters for thrills.

Rock-a-bye baby, from peace comes a new war.

I have returned, wakened by gore.

Rock-a-bye baby, there's blood on the ground.

There's demons and ghosts that hunt with no sound.

Rock-a-bye-baby, oh father can't you see?

What once was locked up, now is set free.







Death welcomes me as i lay here inthe darkness of my heart

pain,sorrow,worry...

all mean nothing to me

your gone and im alone

the cold creeps into me

working its way up my body...

im almost gone now...

i dont regret a thing....

exept for the fact that you never loved me...

i could have done more...

i could have BEEN more...

but in your eyes...

i was nothing...

im gone now...

but i hope you see...

the way i felt...

the way i felt about you...

but its too late...

that feelings dead...

just like me...

but if you come here...

you will find me...

...i promise...

this letter i write to you is both truth and a lie...

its the way i felt

before i died...

but whats not the truth you have to see...

was the way you said you felt about me.....








you said you didnt care...

you said you didnt mind...

and now that i see everything...

i know now i was blind

you used me for your benefit

you used me for your gain

you used me for what you needed

regardless of my pain

and now youve gone away...

and said your worth much more...

and left me standing silent

as you turned to close the door

so i stand here in the rain

drenched in sorrow and pain...

and yet i see you staring

leave me and enjoy your fame...

and ill just sit here dreaming

of a day that will never come...

the day someone will love me

the day when ill go home.







where are you?...

you left me behind

im alone again

lost,cold and left to die...

i try to leave it behind

but you throw it in my face

everytime ur lost for words...

my hearts a crumbled case...

do you know i need you?...

do you know im there?...

or do you see it all

and just choose not to care

yes i do love you

and yes i will be here

but i wont wait forever

in this cold loveless air.





Happy

its a word we use everyday

we use it without thinking

without wondering

wondering what its true meaning really is...

are we happy?...

on the outside sure...

but on the inside we hurt...

we mourn...

we cry...

and we feel...

on the inside

nobody can find us...

nobody can bother us with the pains and worries of life...

because on the inside-

we have pains and worries of our own

we struggle day after day hiding our true selves-

hiding how we really feel

when will we truely be happy?

inside

and out

when will we be able to live peacefully and accept who we are

on the inside...

when we can tell somebody how we feel...

and not be afraid of the answer to come...

when we can know somebody else for who they are...

and have them know you...

when we wont be stabbed in the back...

or betraed by our own friends and family...

when we can leave our home knowing everything will be great

and you dont have to worry.

and people are kind and giving...

instead of cruel and selfish...

we hope that day comes soon...

we dream about its peaceful embrace-

but for now...

the inside...

is the only embrace we hold.


----------






I sit here

thinking of you

and then it crosses my mind

''what else can i do?...''

I feel so much

but you leave me no choice

i must leave you behind

i must listen to my own voice

you turn the other way

just to leave me behind

but i walk the other way

i am no longer blind

you turn to see my sorrow

you turn to see my face

but as you turn and look

ive gone and left that place

you control me no more

and it burns me to the core

to think that you held on

cold and yet strong

but you left me no choice

and i think you see that now

i never told you ''no''

but now i do know how

your left all alone

to wallow in your pain

of losing someone who loved you

with no regret and no shame

youchoose to decide with your mind

and ignore your hearts beating plea

im gone, with no choice

so now maybe you'll see

that i truely loved you

and i thought that you loved me.