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Alright. Warning and Disclaimer... I WANT you to read this if you opened this page up... even if you DON'T know me. Being a Sagittarius, I'm HIGHLY philosophical. So here we go...
Dear reader... or rather, dear online journal...
I just got out of the shower. I should start calling it the "magic box", because it seems to solve everything.
No, I don't mean dirt. Let's not talk about hygine here. I'm clean enough for now.
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These past two days, I had a not-so-close friend over staying... I was there when she was dumped. She was extremely confused and lost...
And she slept and cried and wondered... and I felt so bad for her. She didn't want to break up.
As she cried on me, quite literally... I started thinking...
Did she really know what she wanted? She knew it was going to end... but yet she still wanted to deny it ever happened. And then the regret. OH the regret. I hate regret.
I could definately relate to her in many ways... when I stopped being friends with someone I depended on at the time. I felt a little confused. Just about me in general.
I wondered why and how... and I wanted to know who I was after this. And I changed. It's strange, but it was for the better. And now I'm clueless whether this change will be the better for my friend. Who knows.
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So here I stood in the shower... the water was almost like an accessory... it was just there while I stood... And anyway... I gave my brain a good workout.
This girl KNEW she didn't want it to be over yet... she KNEW she was lost. She KNEW she regretted things... but didn't want any of this to happen.
Though strange as it sounds... I'm jealous. She knows. I don't.
So, what do I know? I don't know what I want. I want to live. To be free... but that's not what I mean. What do I REALLY need? What does my entire being CRAVE?
I figured it out... with the water holding me... I felt like I suddenly knew. It was like a strange movie, everything in my life passing through my eyes. Everything clicking.
I want want. Does that make sense? No? I'll explain. I want to be wanted. I want to desperately know what I want... I want to, with everything I have... want something so bad.
Do I mean something? Someone? Skills? Otherwise? I don't know. I've always wanted people to want me around, everyone does. I just want to make them laugh, make them happy. And make them feel like they want to talk to me more.
SO. I leave you with a question....
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Who's the shoulder to cry on for the one who's cried on?
Kbai. Don't worry, I'm not feeling angst. HAHA. I want to drink lemonade.
I'm going to Icy's tomorrow. That'll be fun.
Have a good meal tomorrow! XD
-TUM TUM TUM TUM .... TUMMMMMMS!
 Kawaii Dai desu Visit my profile  Dai - Chan · Fri Jul 20, 2007 @ 07:05am · 2 Comments |
