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How we met through Ashley's eyes. |
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I was walking down the cold, poorly lit hallway to English, as I did everyday. I glanced around ad I walked and notices so many random things, how everyone in front of me seemed to walk slower that day and how I felt packed in that hallway like a sardine in a can. I breathed a breath of relief when I finally reached the library; I was half-way there. Almost like being punched in the face, I saw him. Standing tall, smiling, black curly hair and my heart stopped. I asked myself who he was, for I had never seen him or gotten this feeling by simply looking at a stranger before. I felt like I couldn’t move, which I could not, he simply struck me. Suddenly the bell rang, his smile dropped, and I sadly had to stop staring and make my way to class.
It seemed as though every block passed slowly. During each, I thought of him and how much I couldn’t wait for class change, so that I might catch another glimpse of him, or maybe even confront him and try to find out who he was, at the least. For the rest of the day, I searched for him, looking hopefully around every corner, to see him once more. But, I never did. For the next couple of weeks, I searched for him, and everyday, I went home heavyhearted and let down. After a while, I gave up searching for the guy who stopped me dead in my tracks.
Months later, after I forgot about him, Halloween rolled around. Halloween, being my favorite holiday, made me look forward to finding something or someone new. At my annual party, a very odd looking guy came, we hit it off. By the end of the night, we were together and I was beaming with pride, I wasn’t alone anymore. The next day at school, my new boyfriend, Johnny, and I sat together, as every couple did. I was very excited about how I met a cool guy and actually landed him. I then remembered the guy I seen in the library, knowing now, everything is too late. My heart sank when I thought of it but made I made the look of disappointment leave my face before someone would notice. I heard Johnny’s friend crack a joke and forced a smile. I fel6t someone sit down beside me, I looked to see who it was, it was him. He looked at me and smiled, it happened again, my heart stopped, and before I could say a word Johnny introduced me as his girlfriend. At that moment, I regretted what happened the past night. I was certainly glad I wasn’t alone anymore, I had someone of my own now, but I pondered the fact it wasn’t suppose to be Johnny.
As it seemed to me now, I rushed things. If only I would have waited I would be with him. As my mind raced and all these thoughts passed, he began to talk to me. He said his name was Denny and he was happy to meet me. I could not believe what was happening, happy to meet me? How could he be? All the time I spent looking for him, I gave up, the first time I had ever given up on anything. I felt so disappointed in myself, I felt that I had made a mistake.
Unable to change things, I went on in my relationship with Johnny, forcing myself to think it was more than friendship. I became utterly depressed, forcing myself in something fake, and with someone who didn’t support my future. The only part I look forward to each day was seeing Denny, who became my friend after a while. I noticed about him love of life, which was exactly what I wanted. After a while, he seemed shy around me. Every time I would say his name he would blush so red, he’d blend in with a crowd of sunburned beach bums. Then, he quit talking to me, my heart broke. The only relationship I had with him was now over, and the reality that all Johnny done was make me feel insecure.
One normal, yet fake, day when I was talking to Johnny, mentioned Denny. Johnny got furious, he said that the reason Denny had been avoiding me was because he developed close, well, he started to like me and told Johnny he wanted to be with me. Tears began to pour down my face and I slammed the phone on the dock. I thought to myself and realized that it really wasn’t Johnny I loved, which was completely obvious before, it was Denny. I remembered the feeling I would get around him, and how I would picture me and him together in my thoughts and dreams.
The next day was awkward. I avoided Johnny all day, and decided to tell Denny how I felt about him. When I finally found him, I confronted him, I striked up a normal conversation. Then I dropped the bomb, I told him what Johnny said to me and asked if it was true. He blushed, I had never seen him this red before, a moment of silence fell, and seemed to last forever. My heart raced, I felt like it wasn’t true because of him never answering me, my heart was once again broken. I looked at him once more and caught him looking at me; he stuttered the word “yes” and disappeared in a classroom full of freshman.
Once again I was struck, stopped dead in my tracks by him again. But this time, I wasn’t heart broken, even though I could not be with him, I was happy. I thought about things for a few days and realized, this time I could not let go, this time I wasn’t going to give up and I never will again. Second semester started the next day, and Denny was nowhere to be found. I asked his other friends where he was and their reply was he was on homebound and would not be back. I was sad, upset, and well heartbroken that I wouldn’t get to see his smiling face everyday at school which I eagerly looked forward to, even if the smile wasn’t at me. Something was different this time; I really was not going to give up.
For months, I urged his friends to give me his contact information. I was completely empty without him and maybe, hearing his voice would fill a piece of my emptiness. When everyone played off that they didn’t know his information, that hole grew bigger. A couple weeks later, Johnny finally decided we were over. I was happy to be rid of him, but Denny wasn’t around, and now, when I was free, there was no way to be with him. I was devastated; Denny probably thought all I wanted to do was make fun of him when he admitted that it was true, when all I wanted was to be with him.
A couple more months passed and May rolled around. It was the night of our annual Talent Show, I seen him once again. I ran to him and hugged him, surprisingly, he embraced me back. My heart and soul felt like it had never felt before, the guy I love was back! We went into a corner and began to talk about what had happened in the months we did not see each other. He asked about me and Johnny and I told him I was glad it was finally over. My heart raced faster and faster and I finally told him everything. He looked stunned, he said he never expected me to even have an ounce of feelings for him and he was extremely surprised I wanted to be with him. A few weeks passed, we talked, and finally we got together.
I feel now, that us losing each other in the beginning made our relationship stronger in the end. Out of everything, I regret giving up in the beginning and forcing myself with Johnny. But, what I am most proud of is how in the end, I didn’t give up a second time and being persistent in getting us together. I have learned that even though I had only ever given up once, that even though things are better now, I will never do it again. Denny supports who I am and what I want to become and do, which makes me strive harder and push my confidence t the highest level and try harder on everything so I know and feel my future is set. But, most of all, I am ready for it all.
Kickass McAwesome · Sat Jul 28, 2007 @ 09:47pm · 2 Comments |
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