|
Hey peeps,
it's been a while since I've added anything to my journal. I've had alot of problems before with my ex boyfriend way back named Chris... well I call him Adam... but now I haven't been talking to him because he hasn't been on.
Well... A couple of months, weeks, days, later... I got another boyfriend. A very good friend of mines named Alex. He's great and all but there were many things that have bothered me about him. I don't kow if it was his family background that made him this way or what, but he's just difficult to be with.
He and I didn't really talk much after our seperation for a while because of some issues but later one we turned out fine.
Just today, I went bike riding with him and family. It was nice... but I was really tired. I'm very very out of shape apparently.
Earlier, I was talking to a good friend of mines here on gaia. I talk to him alot... almost more than most people I know. He's nice and everything, somewhat of a pervert that I manage to deal with, and a good listener.
He was telling me earlier that he felt lonely not too long ago. I felt kinda funny because I use to like him. Just a little though. I was planning oon asking him out, then I realized, "oh yeah! i don't like him anymore"... or do i? I kept thinking about that. It surprised him that I liked him because he didn't know anyone would like him. I don't think that's true though. I bet a bunch of people like him.
Earlier, even before that whole thing, I was talking to a best friend of mines named Orri. Well... everyone calls him that. I was talking to him about this other guy that I once was madly in love with... or something like that. I told him that I hated the guy but I loved him to death as well. I don't know and i don't think I would get a direct answer from this but, have you ever loved someone so much that you hated them because it was just something that pissed you off about them and the thought of them not liking you the same way back tore you apart? That question is a bit confusing but that how everything is with me. I wish everything were a little more simpler but either I make things complicated or I get confused myself... either way.
Indeed, I have alot of feelings for this guy I really adore, but there are many things I can stand about him. I don't like people who complain more than I do, but he's so talented. I don't like it when he talks to me and seems like he doesn't care, but at times he makes me feel so special in a way i don't think anyone could. He makes me cry so much that I could probably drown in my tears, but he makes me laugh so hard at the little stupid things he does that i just love him more.
I don't think I've seen the reality of anything yet. I hate that I'm always confused with what I'm doing. Sometimes I even walk into my house and say "What the hell am I doing here?". In my book, it's utterly ridiculous. I just wish that most of the things in my life were highlights instead of mistakes. I wish most of my carings weren't heartbreaks. I wish I had more thing to give in life but all I can do it cry and write. All I can do is dream and type. And sing songs at night. I will cry myself to sleep tonight.
AHAHA... funny... I was being poetic there. But I dunno... it really came from the heart... except for when I said I was going to cry myself to sleep... ya right. I'm tired of that. I'm going to listen to a bunch of music and hope it calms me down. But I just got up so what the hell am I doing, thinking about going to bed... oh well... later!
 Mari Lambo · Sun Jul 29, 2007 @ 01:47pm · 0 Comments |
