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Bryna just dumped me. She doesn't feel the spark anymore. This is going to be a blow to my masculinity and self worth.
I am spiraling into an anxiety attack, we were having a good time talking, I felt really good. But i started to say her name, and for whatever reason she is in a mood where she does not want to hear her name. She threatened that if i said it again she would hang up on me, i humored her and said it again. She hung up. I told her i love her and goodnight, all she said back was "Night." Now i feel like dying. I was having a good time, and i want to believe that she was too, and that she is suffering from hanging up on me also, but my anxiety won't allow it. It forces me to believe that she is content with W.O.W and that i am boring, and easily discarded. Ugh! I hate my anxiety disorder. I hate not having her. I was doing so well, i was in a great mood for having started to study, and write things down. Now i feel horrible. I feel that it is going to be like this for a good long while. Every night i will feel horrible. Gah, this is horrible. I will never be able to find someone to equal what she is to me, no one that i have ever met is like her, that is why i am so afraid to lose her. But alas, i have lost her. For now.
I am experiencing mood swings. I had these last time we broke up.
Now, that we have broken up again, we will have to start the timer over again when we go out next time.
Our conversation seems to be great when we break up, i know why, its because i have a fire in me that makes me really force myself to talk and be interesting, when we get back together i know that i will be like that forever. Because i am not making the same mistake, i keep on making a new mistake, and i keep on fixing it. She will not have to worry that i keep on making the same mistake.
I am learning and changing.
For the better of course.