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I was raised catholic and overall I don't much believe in Jesus or various other things this "religion" preaches. What I do believe is that there is some higher power watching over us. I call him God for lack of something better (Hey, I could go Eru or Iluvatar but God is so much easier to pronounce xd ). Anyone who knows me, knows I'm not a very religious person Anyway here's a story that sorta gives my family and I a bit of insight into life in general.
Quote: There was once an very good man. He helped people, did good things, was kind and generous. One day, he hears that there will be a large flood and that everyone should evacuate. When he heard this he says to himself, "God will protect me. I have been a good person all my life, I've done well, helped others at all times. God will protect me."
So the first day goes by and the flood does come and it's in the streets and up to his front door step. A policeman comes by and says, "Come on, you've got to come the flood is coming. You should evacuate." And the man replied, "No thank you, I'm a good person, I've lived a good life, been generous and helped people. God will protect me."
The next day the flood has moved and flooded his basement. Some firemen came by and told him he should leave. Again he told them what a great life he had lived and how he helped people and that God would protect him. The firemen left.
The next day the first floor of his house was flooded. A boat came by and some men said to him "Come on! You have to evacuate. You can't stay here." Again the man says "God will protect me."
The next day the man is living on his roof. A helicopter comes by and the people say to him to evacuate, to come with them. "I'm sorry, I'm not going to leave. I've lived such a good life, I helped people who were in need. I was kind and generous. God won't let anything happen to me. He will protect me."
The next day, we find the man in heaven and really quite upset. He marches up to God and says "Why didn't you protect me? I've always been a good person! I've always lived a good life! I've helped people in need! Why did this happen? Why didn't you protect me?"
Then God said, "I did. I sent you the police. I sent you the firemen. I sent you the boat and I sent you the helicopter."
Needless to say, my family has had rough times. My dad isn't the easiest person to get along with. Everything seems to be heading to rock bottom. My mother my sister and I have prayed to God so very often hoping that our lives would turn around for the best.
Sure, I'm not the greatest person. I know that. I'm probably on the more horrible side as a person. But my Mommy doesn't deserve the life she's been given. My little sister as much as she annoys me and as much as I say I dislike her, she doesn't deserve it either. I pray for them, not for myself. And when I say this, I'm telling you, I rarely pray. In my experience it's never gotten me anywhere. Just a false hope it seems. I believe that whatever should happen, will happen. No matter what I ask for.
It's gotten to the point now that we're going to lose the house. We saw it coming, we can't live off of nothing. We just can't afford to keep the house without a miracle. I don't expect this miracle to come (still looking for that Y though...). My Mommy and I have been talking and have agreed that if her and I can get full time jobs and get at least $10 an hour we can get an apartment and keep ourselves and my sister living a descent life. Unfortunately, there's my father.
He sits and drinks because he can't get a job. He can't get a job because he sits and drinks. In the meantime, he makes our lives hell. I have lived in this house my entire life. I'm not ready to leave or I would have by now.
So, now that we know we can survive, the only thing that keeps the three of us stuck is what the hell do we do with the drunk a*****e who lives in our house? If we take him with us he'll continue to make our lives hell and then procede to drink away all the money we make.
My family, (excluding "dad" wink have been discussing, where are we? Has the "police" come? The "firemen", the "boat" or the "helicopter"? We've decided that tomorrow will decide this. We're going to people to see if they can get us a job quickly that meets our qualifications and we're just hoping we can get enough money to survive.
It's an awful lot of stress on us and my Mommy, despite all the bad stuff going on had a great Mother's Day and Lisa and I went out of our way to make it great. Even in the bad times we still laughed and had fun and ignored the a** to the best of our abilities. We even divided up our rescuers! My sister wants the policeman, Mommy wants the Fireman and I so called the helicopter pilotman! heart xd
So, the reason for me typing all this up is simple. I don't mind telling my friends why I'm upset. But it's really hard to tell one person and then another all seperately. I'm not looking for people to feel sorry for me either (If I see a comment in here saying as such I'll be mighty grrish). I'm just telling everyone why I'm so freaking depressed so that I only have to do it once. And of course, the depression is always there but I often forget about it... or bury it I guess. Hopefully everything will work out for the best but as it is, what happens, happens. We're just keeping our eye out for the "boat" hoping we don't miss us. Once the "helicopter" is gone, we're doomed... lol doom. xd
Glorfirith Annun · Mon May 09, 2005 @ 03:41am · 4 Comments |
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