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Since my internet was out all yesterday the only thing I could do was cry.

I hate crying, it always makes me feel so weak. Proving to myself that all I am is a pathethic little fool that can't even handle her feelings properly. I'm not the perky psycho girl...I'm a mouse. I want to be something more, but whenever I do, it just doesn't feel right. Its funny, all I want for him to do is notice me. Or at least say my name, since I doubt he knows it anyway.

My friend gets all the guys...even though she wants nothing to do with them. Maybe inside she does, but outside she seems to be repulsed by them.

I'm just boring, inadequate and all around stupid to have anyone just ******** looking at me. I don't know how I got a boyfriend in the first place-- wait, I got him online.

I ******** hate that with a passion. I want to find someone offline, to prove my theory wrong. Is that too much to ask for? I'm so close as to just shouting it out that I have feelings for someone. But when I do, I don't think I will be relieved any...just hurt.

Infact its quite foolish for me to think this way. He's just the first person that made me see a little light in all this darkness. I've always liked people who can make me laugh. And this person did it with his stupid a** jokes.

Too bad I'm boring. Wish I wasn't.

Alexia also told me to wear bright colors...if that works, I'll hug her. If people stay away, its not because of how I dress, its me.

I just want this to go away, since it is ripping me apart. >_<

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