It seems that...I can't escape the feelings I had for my ex boyfriend. It's strange. I always thought that I'd...just forget him and move on. He's the only one I've never been able to move on with though. It's sad. Maybe I'm feeling regretful? Maybe.
I haven't seen him for about 4 or 5 months now. I just stopped talking to him completely. I...always had him in the back of my mind, and the thought of him would eat away at me slowly. You know....I don't think our relationship was as meaningful as it was to me, as it was to him. He probably didn't think much of it and never even thought of me in the months we've been seperated. I know this and yet, I couldn't stop thinking of him. Wondering if he was alright...how he was doing in school, if he already found a new girlfriend....Everything. And it's very.......pathetic.
I wanted to forget but I couldn't. So I just kept it locked up inside, so that maybe it'd go away. But it didn't. -sigh-
I saw him the other day. Me and my family had a little fishing trip. (well I was actually just walking along side the pond/river/water so I wasn't exactly fishing but...) and I saw him. I was walking along side the water and there he was. I thought it was just my imagination. Untill he called out my name affectionatly. I think....that's when i wanted to jump into the water and drown myself, or just turn around and run away. He was with his mother and two other japanese girls. I knew that before as his cousins so I wasn't really jealous of them anyway. But...He called my name.."Tina-chan~!" and ran over to hug me. I kinda stood there. In shock. I wanted to cry. But I knew I shouldn't so I just hugged him back and smiled. My parents saw me and were suprised as well and we all started talking to one another. It felt like I was living in an old memory. And I was happy because I felt like I did when we were going out, Happy.
But...It hurt. He kept bringing up what we used to do and everything that made us happy long ago. I think...I started to cry. Or something like that because he looked at me worriedly but I didn't have an expression. I guess maybe I was crying but I just didn't know I was. I felt the warm tears fall over my face but just wiped them away and smiled at him syaing i kept my eyes open too long.
I guess....what made me a little more sad was the fact that...His hair grew out so much longer, He got so much taller, his voice was more mature and deep and he didn't remind me of the Takuma that I knew and loved. I was sad that I wasn't able to see him.....grow up and grow up together with him. He said I changed alot too, like I got taller and my hair grew longer (he even made a joke about my boobs xD lol. But there after said that I always had big boobs so nothing changed. >.< I know I do stfu Tako. anyway....) So...
Maybe I was feeling regret? Something else? Maybe I was just lost in a memory that I knew would never happen again. Maybe...But I think that just being able to see him again....Made me happy. For a while.
I haven't seen him for about 4 or 5 months now. I just stopped talking to him completely. I...always had him in the back of my mind, and the thought of him would eat away at me slowly. You know....I don't think our relationship was as meaningful as it was to me, as it was to him. He probably didn't think much of it and never even thought of me in the months we've been seperated. I know this and yet, I couldn't stop thinking of him. Wondering if he was alright...how he was doing in school, if he already found a new girlfriend....Everything. And it's very.......pathetic.
I wanted to forget but I couldn't. So I just kept it locked up inside, so that maybe it'd go away. But it didn't. -sigh-
I saw him the other day. Me and my family had a little fishing trip. (well I was actually just walking along side the pond/river/water so I wasn't exactly fishing but...) and I saw him. I was walking along side the water and there he was. I thought it was just my imagination. Untill he called out my name affectionatly. I think....that's when i wanted to jump into the water and drown myself, or just turn around and run away. He was with his mother and two other japanese girls. I knew that before as his cousins so I wasn't really jealous of them anyway. But...He called my name.."Tina-chan~!" and ran over to hug me. I kinda stood there. In shock. I wanted to cry. But I knew I shouldn't so I just hugged him back and smiled. My parents saw me and were suprised as well and we all started talking to one another. It felt like I was living in an old memory. And I was happy because I felt like I did when we were going out, Happy.
But...It hurt. He kept bringing up what we used to do and everything that made us happy long ago. I think...I started to cry. Or something like that because he looked at me worriedly but I didn't have an expression. I guess maybe I was crying but I just didn't know I was. I felt the warm tears fall over my face but just wiped them away and smiled at him syaing i kept my eyes open too long.
I guess....what made me a little more sad was the fact that...His hair grew out so much longer, He got so much taller, his voice was more mature and deep and he didn't remind me of the Takuma that I knew and loved. I was sad that I wasn't able to see him.....grow up and grow up together with him. He said I changed alot too, like I got taller and my hair grew longer (he even made a joke about my boobs xD lol. But there after said that I always had big boobs so nothing changed. >.< I know I do stfu Tako. anyway....) So...
Maybe I was feeling regret? Something else? Maybe I was just lost in a memory that I knew would never happen again. Maybe...But I think that just being able to see him again....Made me happy. For a while.
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