Just think, right now, all over the world there are people exercising bad judgment, somebody, right this minute, is probably making the mistake of his life.

I made a bargain with the devil: I could get to be famous, and he would get to ******** my sister.

Aluminum is a Jive Metal.

You know what would be fun? Drop acid, smoke PCP, and then take the White House tour with Jim Carrey.

I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so ********' heroic.

Simon Says, Go ******** Yourself!

I love it in a movie when they throw a guy off a cliff. I love it even more when it's not a movie. No, especially when it's not a movie.

I'm tired of seeing this around the world. A homely, flat-chested woman wearing a "Foxy Lady" T-shirt.

The keys to America: The cross, The brew, The dollar, and The gun.

The difference between show business and a gang bang is that in show business everybody wants to go last.

Is the kidney a bean-shaped organ, or is the bean a kidney-shaped legume?

I get a nice safe feeling when I se a police car, and I realize I'm not driving around with a trunkful of cocaine.

Imagine meeting your maker and finding out it's Frito-Lay.

I'm very lucky. The only time I was ever up s**t creek, I just happened to have a paddle with me.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

E-I-E-I-O is actually a gross misspelling of the word farm.

When will the rhetorical questions all end?

Do the people who hate blacks but think they're really good dancers ever stop to think how much better blacks would dance if fewer people hated them?

"Let's stop underaged drinking before is starts." Please explain this to me. It sounds tricky.