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I went to see Star Wars today. I really want to see the rest of the films. It was a good movie, it actually kept my attention the entire way through.

Today has been a day for reflection. Even though I haven't said much at all today, it feels like my throat is about to shrivel up and die. I feel like doing the same thing.

I'm sick of hearing the same things over and over again. I'm always taken for a ******** fool. I may act like one, but do not treat me like me. I'm sick of being talked down to. I just want to lash out so badly when people do this. It makes me sick.

I don't feel like smiling. I don't feel weightless, I feel this tugging in my chest, as if its caving in for some reason. Maybe I've been broken for real this time. People tell me how I felt was stupid, and that I need to move on. You're not going to tell someone who has a broken leg to stand up, unless you're a sick and sadistic b*****d - so stop telling me to move on when its been less than two days.

The worst kind of pain is emotional pain. I wish someone actually hurt me physically. Then all I'd feel is a sore nagging pain instead of this feeling that I know all too well.

I'm still planning on apologizing tomorrow. After I apologize to Brad, I need to apologize to Jason...then everything will be done. It feels like I have to do this, to gain some sort of closure in my life. It just feels like I won't be around much longer, in mind, body and spirit. I'm not thinking of killing myself...it just seems like something is going to happen.

...and soon.

I'm floating, but its not the weightless free feeling I had earlier this week. If there is a breeze, I'd surely be moving with it, and where I end up is up to the wind, nothing more.

Edit: Do understand I am not getting worked up over a boy.

Its more or less the fact that I'm just plain broken.

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