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Scene Three: In the Kitchen
*camera shot of girls entering kitchen*
Kaitlyn: (goes to fridge and starts looking through it) (everyone else is sitting down) What kinda san-wiches you guys want?
Alex: Provolone-y, please.
Kaitlyn: I’m not hungry.
Erin: (to Alex) You want a cheese sandwich?
Alex: Not CHEESE. PROVOLONE. God….
Erin: (makes an imitating face and grabs stuff from fridge) Janet?
Janet: *camera showing only her face* I’ll have a turkey, lettuce, tomato and muenster cheese sandwich with Grey Poupon mustard, please, and a bag of a chips. (grabs an apple on counter) And an apple, too. And d’you have any of those bags of Chips Ahoy? Those’re great. And I could totally go for some pizza right now…
*camera backs up to show everyone else*
Kaitlyn: (staring, a little disgustedly) God, Janet, you eat like a pig.
Janet: (self-consciously indignant) I just get hungry….gosh….
Erin: (sighs) (to Janet) Jan, maybe you should go out to a restaurant or somethin’. I don’t keep an army’s worth of rations in my house at all times, you know…
Janet: Fine, I won’t eat here….
(quiet for a minute)
Alex: What’d you guys want to do?
Kaitlyn: I’m sick of movies. We’ve watched waaaaay too many in the past few days…
Erin: Agreed.
Janet: I could teach you guys how to crochet?
Alex: (stares at her with big eyes. Slowly shakes head)
Kaitlyn: There are some really hot guys who work at the grocery store…
Alex: Uggh, I’m sick of hot guys.
Kaitlyn: How could ANYone POSSIBLY be sick of HOT GUYS?????
Janet: Lesbians could be.
Kaitlyn: (stares at her blankly)
Alex: Kaitlyn, sweetie, you do know what a lesbian is, don’t you?
Kaitlyn: Of course I do! They’re girls who have LOST THEIR MINDS.
Janet: No, no, no, honey, that’s called a crazy person. À lesbian is-
Erin: For Christ’s sake, Janet, she knows what a lesbian is!
Janet: But she just said-
Erin: She was JOKING.
Kaitlyn: (almost offended) I was not. They have lost their minds!
Alex: (To Kaitlyn) Just because you’re obsessed with everything with a p***s doesn’t mean every girl on the planet is.
Janet: Alex!
Kaitlyn: God, Alex, you’re so crude…
Alex: What?!
Erin: (pats her on the back)
Kaitlyn: (Flips her hair) Fine, so we won’t go scope out guys. Fair enough.
Janet: We could visit the sick!
Alex: How many times do I have to tell you, Janet? Old people smell funny!!
Erin: Thank you!
Janet: Hey, my grandpa’s old, and he doesn’t- well…(reconsiders)
Kaitlyn: (puts head down on the counter) If there are no hot males involved, I’m not interested.
Erin: (sighs) Yeah, even I’m bored, and I have the longest attention span of any of you…
Alex: (vaguely) Yeah….(frowns) Hey!
Erin: (shrugs as if to say, “hey, its true”)
Alex: (sighs and nods)
(long pause)
Janet: Maybe we should just go for a walk or something.
Kaitlyn: (pops her head up) Hey, that sounds okay.
Erin: You know, Janet, that’s not a bad idea.
Janet: Thank you!
Alex: Let’s go!
Janet: Oh! Wait just one second…(walks out of the room and comes back in busily buckling a helmet) So many people don’t realize the importance of head safety while walking!
Erin: (stares, mildly mortified) (blinks repeatedly) (looks at Alex) I cannot be seen in public with this girl.
Alex: Yeah, Janet, you’re so weird. (scratching her foot with something)
Kaitlyn: What are you doing?
Alex: (lifts foot up and is holding brush) I’m cleaning my feet before we go walking!
Erin: With a hairbrush?
Alex: Uh, ya…duh….(rolls her eyes)
Janet: Do any of you guys want helmets? I brought an extra.
Kaitlyn and Erin: (shake heads)
Alex: I’ll take one…
Kaitlyn: (looks at her like she’s crazy)
Alex: What? You never know what might happen.
Erin: (shakes head) Whatever. Let’s get outta here.