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Wallowing in Thought
Not finished...
The first day is always the hardest.

I always say it and I'm always wrong: on the first day, they really don't give you much to do. Hell, they don't even expect you to pay attention. But that line gets me throw the days ahead.

That first day was ten times harder than usuale, though. And it was harder because of Edward. Because Edward put his schedule on his Myspace for the world to see instead of sending it to his real friends one by one.

Devon always points out how very hypocritial of me that is because I did the same thing. I'm always quick to point out the differences in our friend count (Edward - 337; Me.... 12).

The first day would have been so much easier if I hadn't known we had our last two classes together. So much easier without the anticipation.

And it probably would have been easier if my teachers didn't already have seating charts ready, too.

"Calm down, Luke," Devon told me at lunch. "I'm in history with you, too. No worries, you won't look like a loner."

Devon knew the intensity of my shyness. He understood that I don't only fear crowds, but also loneliness. He knew I hated feeling like an idiot for being the only one reading while everyone else is socialisiny ten minutes before the bell.

Devon knew that all of those feelings were ten times worse when I was anywhere near Edward.

"It's not just the loner bit, Devon," I said. "I want him to see me, not the mask."

Devon also knew all about my mask of indifference. He'd seen me go from quiet to hyper active in the space of five minutes when I took it off after school.

"Yeah," Devon's tone startled me slightly. He sounded angry, frustrated and sad. But I wrote it off as aggitation with my abismally low self confidence.

The bell rang then and he patted me on the shoulder with a grim loo before heading in the opposite direction.

I took a deep breath and headed for the science building.


O'Connor High has seven buildings. Two of them are two stories. Those are mainly academic classes: one primarily science and math, the other English and history. There's a building devoted to the arts, a gym, a practice gym, the cafeteria and the front office (plus the library in the same building).

Anyways, the science building is the one at the back of the campus with the best view of the mountains. Those inspired some of my best poems so I think the science building sshould have been English classes instead. But it was the science building so I had to go there for physiscs, after lunch, every day.

That day, I was one of the last ones in the door. I did an immediate recon, searching - though I'll never admit it - for Edward's face.

I saw him... in the only corner deserted enough for me to hide.

I was simultaniously curious and terrified at the same time. It wasn't like Edward to sit in the back. He was usually in the teacher's immidiate line of sight, if not right at the front. He was always in the thick of things, ready to participate in anything.

But he was sitting in the only corner not completely invaded by trouble making preps who would talk constantly and text in their backpacks.

And he was reading. Something I'd always imagined him doing, but never actually seen. He was to popular to spend his free time reading.

I paused in the doorway then produced a 'What the hell' attitude and walked over to the desk next to him. The entire time, my fingers were trembling and my heart was pounding away in my chest. I felt like everyone was watching me, whispering insults as I walked by.

Edward looked up when I dropped my bag onto the desk top. My mind actually went blank when he smiled and I don't remember sitting down.

But when I was sitting, I took a quick moment while he was marking his place in his book to look him over. He still had blonde peach fuzz, so short it continued straight out of his scalp. His eyes were intense, as light as they were. He was slim, but bulky enough to stay on the football team. I couldn't tell if we were still the same hieght or if one of us had gotten taller over the summer.

"Hi, Luke."

I was shocked he even remembered my name. Especially when I remembered that my hair was jet black and ruffled with bright blue hair jell. I wrote it off at the eyes; they always remember the eyes.

"Hey," I mumbled, already going through my backpack for a note book and pen, something to do with my trembling hands.

There was a moment of (akward) silence while I began doodling something stupid. But then Edward asked, "So how was your summer?"

People had been asking that all day. For politeness sake. But he managed to convey actual interest without sounding eager, the way I would have.

"Quiet, for the most part," I said. That was the closest to the truth anyone had gotten. Besides Devon, who was there for the entire sordid affair.

"Did you go anywhere?"

"Just Cali."

Everyone in the room had been to California in the last year. But Edward was waiting with interest to hear about my vacation to DisneyLan, the most exciting part of which had been my first ride on Space Mountain.

"Just to DisneyLand," I told him. "My cousin's first trip."

Why'd I say that? He doesn't care about my six-year-old cousin. Hell, he doesn't even care about me. We flow in completely different circles. I'm not even in a cirlce. Oh my god, I'm rambling to myself!

During my mental rant, Edward responded with something about Mexico. I nodded politely, completely clueless about what he was saying. He had to ask his next question three times before I heard him.

"So how's your brother?"

Again, he had thrown me for a loop. He had only met my brother once! "Zane's good. He got a scholarship to some stuffy K-8 private school," I said, sarcasm dirpping off my tongue. I loathed my little brother, the perfect kid.

Edward laughed and asked about my mom, my step dad, my dogs, my grandparents. I don't know where he was getting his information, but he had read up on me. The only person in my family he had ever met was Zane, and that was two seconds when Zane needed to ask him where I was.

I happened to glance at the front of the room at one point when Edward was tossing his book around, explaining that he had been needing to finish a few books. The teacher was trying to sort out who was there and who wasn't, a hard job when everyone was talking and no one was sitting in any pattern.

"Wanna help her out?" I asked, gesturing to the helpless teacher, probably new by the way she looked on the verge of panic already.

Edward grinned a bit and stood up. I stayed seat and I don't think he even expected me to move. I watched Edward walk up to the front of the room, dodge his ex and start ordering the class around, just like a drill sergent. He had asked to barrow the teacher's seating chart and was ordering people out as he told her who was here and who wasn't. It was easy for him: he knew everyone in the class.

I wasn't ordered to move and no one took his empty seat, though. That meant we were sitting next to each other. That concept would have excited any of the girls in the class, but it filled me with dread. How much I'd have to hide....

The first day, we never do anything. We get a syllabus and fill out a student info sheet that the teachers never read. Physiscs was no different.

Besides the fact that I was sitting next to a Hollister model in the making!

I tried - and failed miserably - for five minutes to pay attention to the lecture. But Edward was to close for me to ignore him. So I gave up, examining every inch of the left side of his face. I doodled the mountains so it just looked like I was looking out the window. I wish I could have just drawn himse, though. Edward gets this look on his face sometimes and I would have paid anything to be the one to capture it on paper.

When the bell rang and most people were already pushing their way out the door, I was only beginning to put my things away. I glanced up, hoping to watch Edward walk out the door. But he was standing at the front of my row, watching me expectantly. My brow furrowed gently, my hands started shaking, and I finished putting my things in my bag.

"What?" I asked when I got to the front of the room.

"We have history together, right? Lets go."





 
 
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