They tell you to speak up...
But when you do, they yell at you.
When you keep to yourself...
They tell you to speak up more. But then you're self-centered.
No matter what I try to do...
The result is always the same. Even if I don't want to start anything.
They say I haven't changed...
8 months ago I cut myself because I was bored. Now I'm happier.
I try, but it doesn't seem like its enough...
To get the "approval" I need to feel like I've been accepted.
Always getting yelled at...
Even when I don't want to get someone angry.
No matter how hard I try to keep things stable...
Things fall apart and I'm left holding the bag.
I never said I was a victim...
I'm only assumed to be one for defending myself.
Because if I don't defend myself...
Who will? If someone does, I certainly don't tell them to.
If someone else were to say the same exact things I do...
They wouldn't be yelled at.
So why me...?
Am I special, because it doesn't feel that way.
I don't deserve this...
Though part of me believe I deserve much worse.
I want to hate you...
But I just can't do it.
I cry because of your words...
But it doesn't matter because I deserve this.
I want to be a friend...
But you push us all away.
No matter what happens, even if I "changed"...
Its a never-ending cycle and everything will happen again.
Funny how this is directed at everyone, but no one at the same time. A free write with the alter egos inside my head. The good and bad so to speak. Going over everything from friends, family, acceptance, etc. I want to do good, but I won't lay down and make someone feel like they are right. Not anymore.
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