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Yesterday i got to talk to Ben, but i kinda got pissy cause well i miss him...
i haven't talken to Frank since... well too long and it hurts so much. i miss him so much, i miss his voice, i miss him tell me things and making me feel warm and loved. he's the most amazing man i know, but right now i feel so unwanted by him.
i want to call him, but i don't want to get more hurt by him telling me to ******** off or something which i am so afraid he'll do... i just want to know he's ok. i want my boyfriend back to the way he was before his car crash... before he forgot loving me...
i'm on such an emotional roller coaster and i want it to stop. i'm going to see peter tomorrow again, i have to ask him to recommend someone for me to talk to on a regular basis. i want to stop feeling like this. its not fair for me or anyone around me.
it's 12:26am and i really don't want to sleep, i want to go out and walk but last time i did that tj showed up and well that get into more crap.
i started drawing something, it's a woman, an angel. i still have a lot of work to do on it before showing people it but, so far i like it sorta.
i still have some more christmas cards to write, frank was suppost to give me his address... i really wanted to send him a card... i guess that won't happen sad
i'm trying to get my slippers still... but i highly doubt i'll ever get them. right now i have so little motivation and no support from anyone that it makes it hard to quest for anything.
i've been bumping in a thread the past 12days, i'm up to 4637bumps, i'm hoping to get up to 5000bumps tomorrow if i can and 6000bumps during the weekend.
my mom is going out with her elementary school friends on saturday and friday she's going to the dentist... what a joy that will be. she's going to be in so much pain... she's been going i think almost every 2weeks for something. but oh well i guess she'll look great for when she turns 50. i love my mom, i wish i was able to show he that more though. it's getting harder and harder for me to show how i feel towards people... i don't know if it's fear or what but it's getting so much harder.
i guess the one good thing is i'm done with the semester... bad thing... i don't think i passed a few classes... i didn't hand in a few papers but honestly with how i am feeling i really don't care... it's horrible to say but it's the truth. i'm happy i am back in school, i needed to start getting my life back in order, but the emotional crap i'm going through is making it so hard to focus and do anything. i did get two marks back so far though. i passed english with a 73% and passed gym (golf) with an 80%... i seriously don't know what my teacher was smoking when he gave me that mark... oh well, i think i'm above average in gym at least... well i'm hoping.
december 29th at 8:30am i can start registering... so you better believe i'll be up at 7am to get ready to get the GOOD classes! i have to pick up a list of course that are offered for next semester. i don't think i'll be taking 8 like they say, or even 7 like i was going this semester... i think i'm going to try and get through 5 or 6. there's just so much stuff to do for so many classes. it's a little hectic.
oh, my one year gaiaversary is coming up... yay? not like people will really care but oh well.
i don't know what else to say so i think i'll just end it here for now.
i doubt anyone will ever read this so domokun
back to bumping i go.
i haven't talken to Frank since... well too long and it hurts so much. i miss him so much, i miss his voice, i miss him tell me things and making me feel warm and loved. he's the most amazing man i know, but right now i feel so unwanted by him.
i want to call him, but i don't want to get more hurt by him telling me to ******** off or something which i am so afraid he'll do... i just want to know he's ok. i want my boyfriend back to the way he was before his car crash... before he forgot loving me...
i'm on such an emotional roller coaster and i want it to stop. i'm going to see peter tomorrow again, i have to ask him to recommend someone for me to talk to on a regular basis. i want to stop feeling like this. its not fair for me or anyone around me.
it's 12:26am and i really don't want to sleep, i want to go out and walk but last time i did that tj showed up and well that get into more crap.
i started drawing something, it's a woman, an angel. i still have a lot of work to do on it before showing people it but, so far i like it sorta.
i still have some more christmas cards to write, frank was suppost to give me his address... i really wanted to send him a card... i guess that won't happen sad
i'm trying to get my slippers still... but i highly doubt i'll ever get them. right now i have so little motivation and no support from anyone that it makes it hard to quest for anything.
i've been bumping in a thread the past 12days, i'm up to 4637bumps, i'm hoping to get up to 5000bumps tomorrow if i can and 6000bumps during the weekend.
my mom is going out with her elementary school friends on saturday and friday she's going to the dentist... what a joy that will be. she's going to be in so much pain... she's been going i think almost every 2weeks for something. but oh well i guess she'll look great for when she turns 50. i love my mom, i wish i was able to show he that more though. it's getting harder and harder for me to show how i feel towards people... i don't know if it's fear or what but it's getting so much harder.
i guess the one good thing is i'm done with the semester... bad thing... i don't think i passed a few classes... i didn't hand in a few papers but honestly with how i am feeling i really don't care... it's horrible to say but it's the truth. i'm happy i am back in school, i needed to start getting my life back in order, but the emotional crap i'm going through is making it so hard to focus and do anything. i did get two marks back so far though. i passed english with a 73% and passed gym (golf) with an 80%... i seriously don't know what my teacher was smoking when he gave me that mark... oh well, i think i'm above average in gym at least... well i'm hoping.
december 29th at 8:30am i can start registering... so you better believe i'll be up at 7am to get ready to get the GOOD classes! i have to pick up a list of course that are offered for next semester. i don't think i'll be taking 8 like they say, or even 7 like i was going this semester... i think i'm going to try and get through 5 or 6. there's just so much stuff to do for so many classes. it's a little hectic.
oh, my one year gaiaversary is coming up... yay? not like people will really care but oh well.
i don't know what else to say so i think i'll just end it here for now.
i doubt anyone will ever read this so domokun
back to bumping i go.
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Added:
i'm going through some stuff right now and i just need time to figure things out and stop hurting. i don't know how much i'll be online, i may only bump and not do anything but that... i'm not really wanting to talk or anything, so please respect my need to be alone.
Thank you.
