So...first off.... f** YO XMAS! HAPPY FESTIVUS!!! Now then...
I went through ALL of my journal entries on this account and my old account. I tend to do this every now and then. But now, I don't find myself getting as sad at the same parts. I get different sadnesses at different times about different things now. Like, last time I did this, I got SO bloody sad when I saw all those things with Lauren. But now it just took me back... Now, I got sad when I read the....7 or so...entries on this account about Bethia. In all reality, I wish it didn't end when it did, and I do miss her (even though we still talk). But, wow. The morning of the 25th. I guess it's going to be today if I get to talk to Lauren or not. Either way I'm getting a call soon. It all depends on her parents. They will say "yay" or "nay". If they say "nay" I'll get a call from them telling me I can' talk to her. If "yay" I'll get a call and talk to her. Simple as that. I think they will let me. I HOPE they will let me. I've missed her so much. Now I just have to stay single for a year and be virtually teased by the fact that I am waiting for a person whom I will only hear from POSSIBLY once a month, if even rarer than that. And, in the end, will it be worth it?
I had another dream with Lauren in it. But, this one wasn't as cute as the other one (read back a bit, it has SOMETHING about that I think...). Ok, let's see. ... Lauren was only 13 in my dream, and she was in the future... Yeah... It's so twisted and odd and it spanned like, a week in one dream. Something about not going to England with my dad or it will mess up the future, and she sent me a DVD with some odd infomercial thing and her walking around in a dark forest (kinda like The Blair Witch Project). I have no clue what the ******** was going on. -_-
I REALLY want to go through and delete all on my old entries, but, like it or not, they are all memories, and I can't delete those (Eternal Sunshine, good movie, associated with Bethia now, as with The Science of Sleep). But, those were good memories nonetheless, and I wouldn't trade those for anything. Same goes for all the memories I have with Lauren, good and bad. All these memories together make me who I am. They've helped shape me into the Roman that is here today, sitting here, listening to Kaddisfly (slowly working their way up on my favorite band list), and thinking about everything that has happened, and thinking about stuff that may very well happen. Maybe I WILL talk to Lauren. Maybe we WILL get back together when she comes home to for good. Maybe we won't be able to talk to each other. Maybe the letters will get farther apart. Maybe the letters will stop. Maybe it'll just drop off the face of the Earth, like last time. Who knows.
I love ho wall these long, retrospective entries sort of trail off into what I would normally NEVER say...EVER! It's odd.
I got The Works Of H.G. Wells a few days ago. Mmmm.... The Invisible Man, The Time Machine, The Food of the Gods, The Island of Dr. Moreau, The War Of The Worlds, The First Men in the Moon. Can't wait to dig into that. ^w^
So yeah...nice little retrospective entry for you all. But now....I need sleep. -_- G'Night.
~Roman~
"You cannot hope to understand someone completely until You cease to make assumptions about them But that will never happen So for now we'll settle with gentle acquaintances" ~Kaddisfly - "For The Ejection of Rest; They'll Dance"
Ironic Karma · Tue Dec 25, 2007 @ 10:44am · 0 Comments |