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how is it that people that you loved disappear when you try to get close?....
how is it that when they say they love you... it's only for your benefit?
how is it when they kiss you and touch you softly on the cheek and tenderly and wipe away your tears they say they still love you no matter what your sin but somehow you can't see through they're lie...
how is it that every eight colors of the rainbow can signifie something that he's don wrong... but it takes 15 rainbows to fill my faults.... and he know that and still kisses me.
why is it that he is always sorry... but apologizes and does the things that hurt me the most OVER and OVER again.... with out realizing
he tell me he loves me
he tells me he's sorry
he tells me that he trusts me with his life
then takes mine away.
i tell him i want him to hold me
he tells me i should get a life with his eyes...
he likes the opposite gender...
and lies to me about our love...
was it fake was all of it a lie or was it something that you will carry until the day you die...
maybe it will be tomorrow
maybe it will be tonight
maybe it won't take that long for the knife to pierce through the non existent heart because he took it away so you wouldn't do anything stupid to it so he could...
selfish really... really selfish but he was so kind so loving so energetic... a certain "jois de vivre"
and he couldn't share any of it with me... nope he had to go and give it the one person that i swore to hate and he knew but still did it... he knew and still did it... and kisses him in front of me because he thinks its funny
right before that he did the same with me.. and i cried silently in solitude..

LATER ON

he asks me what's up and my make up betrays my answer....
he wipes away my tears as he usually did with a kiss.
i want to lash out and slap him hit him, beat him...
but i can't so i sit there and look up at him with confused and sad eyes...
hurt and torn...
don't be sad he says quietly I'm here for you...
i sigh in disbelief... i couldn't stand it any longer.
WHY i ask as i let my heart poor out through my mouth...
all these memories i tried to let out through my veins and you are trying to put them back in there
circulating like black venom...
i don't think so
i stand
waiting his answer
he has no idea what to say
out of words i say with a chuckle
you never really were good with words
as i unsheeth a knife...
i peer down at the faded ring that was slowly turning my finger green
that he had given me all those summers ago
he looks down at it and remembers all those childish things we did when he was "straighten out"
so you remember i coo
funny you should you gave it to me
he turns his head to hide a most reveling tear
the most hidden secrets of his life becoming clear in this hollow moment to me.
It's not my fault he yells out...
i take a step back
i didn't choose this he cries putting his face in his hands
and if i had had the choice if i knew that it was going to hurt you this much i wouldn't have not chosen this path
then why lie like that to me and hurt me i sob putting the knife to my neck
he looked up realizing what he's seeing
don't don't' do it !!! CHRISTINA!! NOO DON'T DO IT!
he lashes out at me pushing me to the ground
that rain starts to fall making the trees moist and dewy
the tears trickle down our faces and our sobs echo through the trees like reverberating bird calls.
my hand bleeds into the ground from the knife's sharp blade.
i slap him across the face blood streaking his white skin
he takes it and looks down at me his tears painting my face
i had no choice he murmured silently
well... neither did i Dorian
i replied closing my eyes

this is a entry from my novel nothing from reality hope you ppl like it
feel free to comment