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Ok, so I give a ********... |
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There's two sides to the story, but who do I believe? The one that's lied a million times to me before but I've known for over 2 years? Or the one that I met a couple months ago and has never lied to me and is there for me 24/7? She's just changed so much... It hurts. Yes Dwight, you were right, I do still care about her, so what? She was my bestest mate and now what? I don't have anyone and feel so alone I wish I would just drop dead. I want things to get better, but how do I do that when the girl I thought was my bestest mate hardly is that bestest mate anymore? She wants to have other friends, that's fine with me. But don't tell me I slipped away from you because you slipped away from me first, and I don't want to hang out with the people you do. That didn't mean we're not friends, it only meant I would hang out with the ones I thought were a better influence. The ones that would keep me from doing stupid stuff like she's doing. So how do I explain that to her mother when she calls me? "Yeah, you're daughter told me she was doing drugs but the only proof I have are my boyfriend and my other friend, whom you don't like." Then what? She's not gonna believe me, so why even try? I told her to be careful with her, and she said she's been keeping an eye on her, but has she really? No. Because she couldn't figure out when she was doing stupid things that she admitted to on the phone with me. How do I help her then? I can't. How do I explain the million things going on when most of them would get me locked up in an assylum if I mentioned them? Is it better to cut all connection and try and lead a normal life when my heart's aching, once again, from the same problem I've had so many times before? To make it worse, my best best mate is mad at me too. Why? Because she had something important to tell me and I didn't want to go outside because I was sick, and when I told her, she said she didn't care. So I was like "******** it then, I'm not talking to you," and stormed back inside. Well, she followed me and grabbed my shoulder, turned me around, and said "My mother was in the ER and you don't even care!" and stormed off. Ok? How in the bloody hell was I supposed to know that? I was sick and I thought it was gonna be something completely different. It didn't mean I didn't care, it just meant I didn't want to go outside to get even sicker. Why couldn't she tell me inside? What was that big difference? It's not like anybody else cares anyways. So what should I do now? I lost my bestest mates and the only ones I have don't even know what I've been through or even half of my story. Dwight listens to me and is always there for me, but he lives 12 hours and 19 minutes away. I can't hug him and have him whisper in my ear that everything will be ok and that he's here with me. Spiritually, yes he is, but not physically and that's what I need right now. A hug from someone that really means it when they give it to me. My other friend, whose name I'm not going to mention, is really there for me and like I've said, she's never lied to me before, so I trust her. See, I trust people very easily, but once they break that trust, it hardly ever comes back. My ex-bestest mate has lied to me a million times before, how can I trust her now? I can't. True I've known her longer, but how do I trust someone that's broken that trust a million times before?
 Annabella Goddess Of Ice · Fri Jan 04, 2008 @ 06:11pm · 3 Comments |
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