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I can't help but think about Kim. It's been... three years? Since we stopped talking? It'll be four in November. You think I'd be over losing a friend, since it was MY decision that happened, and I made it happen, but I'm not.

I drove past her house yesterday; I was driving out of my aunt's neighborhood to go pick up the hubby from the Frontrunner station, and I had to take that way to leave the neighborhood and be on my way to Clearfield. I think her family still lives there; I looked at the window that would be hers if she still lived with them, and it made me terribly sad.

I know it's not worth another apology, because she won't see it, and if she does, she won't care. And that's fine, I hope her life is as wonderful as mine is now, but I still wish she was still a part of my life. I understand why it isn't, but Alex and I do miss her a lot. It sucks because we used to be so close and now... well, now we don't even know if she's alive or not.

I wonder about her a lot; she's in my dreams every now and then. I just wish she would get over it and just say, apology accepted, let's be friends. Maybe not best friend forever like we were; that'd be too awkward, but at least... you know... SOMETHING.

Just having her as a friend on Facebook and seeing how she's doing, and maybe go hang out once or twice a year would be enough. I don't blame her, but come on, it's been three and a half years, get over it... I got over my problem, which was the exact same one, a LONG time ago, and I'm friends, and CLOSE friends, with the person that hurt me at the time. If I can get over it, then so can you...

Aah, I'm just blabbering right now. Maybe I'll dedicate an entry to you on my blog, just to help myself rant and feel better, but you're wasting my time. Because a true friend isn't someone who doesn't hurt you; a true friend is one that KNOWS how to FORGIVE and FORGET. That's a true friend, and I guess you just weren't one. Even if I hurt you, you should've been able to get over it, not ignore me the second Steven and I got married...

Oh well. There's no turning back. I hope you're having a good life. Maybe one day you'll suffer from a terrible disease, and I'll be the only neurologist in the country you can see, and I will help you get over it and we will never speak after that. And maybe then you'll know I really cared all along.

Maybe you don't think about this at all... maybe I'm just the one that can't let go...