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These are things i either ripped off other people or made by me heart = ones i love

Love me or leave me. Hey! Where`s everybody going?

Don`t lead me to temptation... I can find it by myself

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hated me. He told me I was being ridiculous. Everyone hadn`t met me yet

Be nice to your children. For they will be choosing your nursing home someday

If at first you do not succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried heart

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense heart

The funny thing about Common sense is that it`s not very common

Guys are like lava lamps: good to look at, but not very bright

Just because you`re stupid doesn`t mean I`m lying

Whoever said money can`t buy happiness, didn`t know where to shop

Of all the things I`ve lost, I miss my mind the most

Sometimes I wish I were you, just so I could be friends with me

Smile, it makes people wonder what you`re up too. heart

What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?

I`m not suffering from insanity, I`m enjoying every minute of it heart

If you hate me, i love you too. It ain't my fault i'm better than you

I'm better than normal, I'm abnormal!

A true friend stabs you in the front

I invented the cordless extension cord heart

We`d better get outta here, I think I hear one of those silent alarms

I never appoligize! I`m sorry, that`s just not the way I am

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, does that mean they all have to?

Life is like a prostitute. We enjoy the experience throughout, but in the end we all get screwed."

"The only true peace is death."

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

"Live as if you were to die tommorow."

"Don't be afraid of death. Just don't be there when it happens."

Whoever said nothing`s impossible never tried to slam a revolving door heart

I don`t hate you, I just need someone to take my anger out on

Behind every successful woman, is a man who is surprised

An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work

Sure, there`s no "I" in team, but there is an "M" and an "E"

There are three types of people. Those who can count, and those who can`t

I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it heart

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

I hope life isn`t a joke, because I don`t get it

Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss heart

Don`t be open-minded, your brains might fall out

Why don`t sheep shrink when it rains? heart

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants

I aint guilty, im just not innocent! heart

I am on the seafood diet. I see food and I eat it!

You may laugh because I`m different but I laugh because you`re all the same

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject heart

Why do our noses run and our feet smell?

Its a shame that stupidity isn`t painful heart

There`s too much blood in my caffeine system heart

Your village called, their idiot is missing

Don`t hate me because I`m pretty, hate me because your boyfriend thinks so

I never forget a face, but in your case I`ll be glad to make an exception

Guys are like under wear you can live without them but its kinda uncomfortable heart

A true freind is not the one who bails you out of jail, but the one standin next to yo saying "Sh*t that was fun" heart

"Look look I can make my face explode"

If you wanna tell some one you hate them walk a mile in their shoes, that way when you tell them, your a mile away and you have their shoes heart

Everytime You call us LOSERS We look at each other and laugh along becuase we knew that waaaaaay before YOU

Be a dork, being cool is overrated

Depression is only anger without entusiasm heart

Fill in the blank : After the rain*Children* crawled out onto the sidewalk

Freinds- Gods way of appologizing for family

TASTE THE FURY OF MY NOODLE!

There's a sexy fireman in my closet and he wont come out

You fight- I fight
You hurt- I hurt
You cry - Icry
You jump off a bridge- i go get a rowboat and save your stupid a** heart

The early worm slaughters the bird and feeds it to its minions

I am like a cockroach, even nukes wont get rid of me

'Don't take life so seriously. No one makes it out alive anyway'

If at first you fail, call in an airstrike.

The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced

The 100% American is 99% idiot.

It is my right to... [insert whatever the hell I feel like here]

fool me once shame on you
fool me twice shame on me

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.

We are all born free, but we always walk in chains

"Most men ebb and flow in wretchedness between the fear of death and the hardships of life; they are unwilling to live, and yet they do not know how to die." -Seneca, Moral Epistles

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence

It's a catastrophic success.

I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.

No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it

He was happily married - but his wife wasn't

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.

If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?

You have delighted us long enough

A modest little person, with much to be modest about.

He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.

Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know

He is a self-made man and worships his creator.

He loves nature in spite of what it did to him

"Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard and be evil!"

If at first you don't succeed, you fail

It is easy to be brave, from a safe distance

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Answer... confused the CRAP out of everyone around you heart

If ignorance is bliss you must be very happy

Live life to the fullest 'cause someday we all got to go

I live today to see what tommorrow has to bring

Aim for Heaven and you get earth thrown in too, aim for earth and you get neither

Damnit! I'm a Realist, not an Idealist!

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance

'We must meet reverses boldly, and not suffer them to frighten us, my dear. We must learn to act the play out...

Fear always springs from ignorance.

Currently Questing: a hobby. Donations appreciated

Remember, everyone you meet is at war, so be kind

Say how you feel. The ones that matter don't mind, and the ones that mind don't matter.

Fate is Never Final

Dare to know

We regret the past and dread the future. All we have is one fleeting nanosecond called the present to be happy... Missed it.

I rule. That's not an opinion, that's a fact.

Quitters never win and winners enver quit. Those who never quit and never win are idiots.

All animals but man know that the meaning of life is to enjoy it.

If you try to fail and you suceed, what did you just do?

What is the sound of one hand clapping? *smacks your face*

Why live life by someone elses guidlines when you can run your own life by your guildlines?

Do not pity the dead. Pity the living

Do not seek pleasure everywhere, but always be ready to find it

It's better to burn out than to fade away

A man with his feet planted firmly on the ground cannot take off his pants

Find something to believe in, and find it for yourself. When you do, pass it on to the future

That's your problem

Wear clean underwear, you might get hit by a bus today heart

I have seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-Beams glitter in the dark near Tannhauser Gate. All these moments will be lost, like tears in the rain. Time to die

I intend to live forever. So for, so good

The world is ********. You didn't get the memo?

All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players: They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts

All things are impermanent
that is the law of life death and extinction
When Life Death and Extinction perish
Nirvana wil be bliss

All Gods are inherently good

I intend to live forever or die trying

Mankind will cease to exist when we loose all desire to outdo our predecessors

It is not Death nor the End that frightens most of us, but it is how it comes about and what we legacy we leave behind afterword.

The death of one man, is a tragety. The death of one thousand, is mearly a statistic

Boyfriends are like a box of chocolates: sometimes it seems that you only pick the shitty ones first

George W. Bush has great trouble mastering even a simple sentence. He is, day by day, becoming more and more incoherent, delusional, and, well, unpresidential. That is diplomatic speak for Looney Tunes." --Unknown

Who is the president of Mexico? ''Vivica Fox'' --our lovely President Bush

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." --our lovely President Bush

"Families are where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream." --President Bush

"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test." "Childrens do learn" --President Bush

"I was proud the other day when both Republicans and Democrats stood with me in the Rose Garden to announce their support for a clear statement of purpose, 'You disarm, or we will.' " --Bush

"As governor of Texas, I have set high standards for our public schools, and I have met those standards." --Bush (your standards must not be very high then...)

"One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." --Bush

"We look forward to analyzing and working with legislation that will make -- it would hope -- put a free press's mind at ease that you're not being denied information you shouldn't see." --Guess who....

"There's not going to be enough people in the system to take advantage of people like me." --Bush

"I believe the results of focusing our attention and energy on teaching children to read and having an education system that's responsive to the child and to the parents, as opposed to mired in a system that refuses to change, will make America what we want it to be — a more literate country and a hopefuller country." --Bush... yet again.

“The Iraqi regime is a threat to any American and to threats who are friends of America.” --Bush

"Turdblossom” --Bush

“You ******** son of a b***h. I saw what you wrote. We’re not going to forget this.” --Bush

"In my sentences I go where no man has gone before." --Bush

love me or hate me, either way I'm on your mind

Got a problem with me? Solve it! heart
Think im trippin? Tie my shoes!
Can't stand me? Sit down!
Can't face me? Turn around

I guess all those C's on your report card just stood for C-C-C-C-C-College heart

If you want to take a good look at what a man is like, take a look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals

Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get heart

Someone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new

why is it that when someone else says you're great, you're great, but when you say you're great, you're conceited?

there is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery the time when we were happy

the walls we put up around us to keep out the sadness also keep out the joy

Strangers are just friends you haven't met yet

If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will avoid a hundred days of sorrow.

A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.

"No day is so bad it can't be fixed with a nap."

"It is often said that before you die, your life passes before your eyes. It is, in fact, true. It's called living." heart

"Don't be afraid of the space between your dreams and reality. If you can dream it, you can make it so."

"Don't watch the clock. Do what it does. Keep going. heart

"Discovery consists of looking at the same thing as everyone else and thinking something different.

"Ten people who care are worth one hundred who do not.

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever

"The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it. heart

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but rather by the moments that take our breath away." heart

Saying you'll do something takes one kind of courage, but actually doing it requires a different type. Real bravery lies in deeds, not words.

You see things and say 'why?', but i dream things that never were and ask 'Why not?

There are two very important dates in everyone's life: the day you were born and the day you discover why. heart

Do what others are not willing to do to have what others can't have.

When in doubt, blow up the entire ******** room heart

When life gives you lemons, trade'em for limes and make margaritas!

"Build a man on fire and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for a lifetime. heart

"To steal from one is plagarism.
To steal from many is research." heart

"Always remember these simple phrases: heart
-Wherever you go, there you are.
-He who shall, so shall he who.
-And always pillage before you burn.

Life is sexually transmitted. heart

If at first you don't succeed,skydiving is not for you. heart

No, denial is not a river in Egypt.

If God had meant for us to use the metric system, Jesus would have had ten apostles.

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. heart

When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. But what delicious drink do you make when life hands you s**t? heart

"On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero. heart

"That old saying, how you always hurt the one you love, well, look, it works both ways

Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.

The things you own end up owning you.

You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else.

Assumptions are the mother of all f**k-ups.

When you dance with the devil, you wait for the song to stop.

Don't try so hard, you'll end up looking like Jefferee Star. And, God knows if that happens, I won't want to be seen around you.

Love is not about finding the perfect person, no such one exists, but it is about finding an imperfect person and being able to view them perfectly

If life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Sell the lemonade to get money. Use the money to buy a gun. See what else life throws at you then heart

Men of genius do not excel in any profession because they labor in it,
but they labor in it because they excel

Chase after truth like hell and you'll free yourself, even though you never touch its coat-tails.

He who does not know how to be silent will not know how to speak.

I cannot teach you violence, as I do not myself believe in it. I can only teach you not to bow your heads before any one even at the cost of your life

The victorious strategist only seeks battle after the victory has been won

Incoming fire has the right of passage heart

'Duct Tape is like the Force- it has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the Universe together' - 365 days of duct tape calendar. heart

'The Answer to Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything is....42'

'When life hands you lemons, hunt life down, beat life up, and steal life's wallet' heart

'Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional' heart

'A life without love is no life at all'

You say tomato, I say S. Lycopersicum

Throwing acid is bad, in some people's eyes heart

This world isn't enough. So I'll change it

You can't spell 'slaughter' without 'laughter' heart

Can't spell patriot without riot

Bullshit can get you to the top, but you won't stay there for long.

If those who do not learn history are going to repeat it, shouldn't we stop learning about positive events?

People say the glass is half-full, but half-full of what?"

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. It's a flamethrower heart

Resistance is futile

When life gives me lemons I put the juice into water pistols and squirt it in the eyes of mean people and then throw the peel at them as well heart

The optamist says the glass is half full.
The pessimist says the glass is half empty.
The engineer says the the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
The barmaid shouts "Alright which of you pissed in the glass again heart

Life is like a prostitute. We enjoy the experience throughout, but in the end we all get screwed."

"The only true peace is death."

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." heart

"Live as if you were to die tommorow."

"Don't be afraid of death. Just don't be there when it happens." heart

To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.

You can lead a horse to water but don't fiddle with it... that's just weird.

The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.

If you can't beat 'em, arrange to have them beaten.

Hostility creates hostility

It doesn't matter if your a king or a street sweeper, everyone dances with the grim reaper

The hawk with talent hides its talons

The doctor said I wouldn't have too many nosebleeds if I kept my finger out of there... heart

"_Brian! There's a message in my cerreal. It says 'oooooooh!'"
"_Peter those are cerrios."

Man who live in glass house get dressed in basement heart

"Never test depth of water with both feet."

What happened in your dream?"
"Food eats people!"
"...Also, Momo could talk. You said some very unkind things."

The greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing the world he did not exsist heart

Be optimistic
Soon everyone you hate is going to die

Drinking ain't the answer
But it makes you forget the question

Security: Are you on the list
The Mask: No, But I believe my friends are. Perhaps you know them.
(Grabs load of cash)
The Mask: Franklin, Grant, and... Jackson? heart

You don't have to burn books to destroy a culture. Just get people to stop reading them

A madman is a madman until somebody kills him and makes him a martyr.

I wonder what will happen if I push this big, red button that says, do not push?

Yesterday we obeyed kings and bent our necks before emperors. But today we kneel only to truth, follow only beauty, and obey only love.

Everyone is safe until they get killed, and everyone is harmless until they kill someone.

Go press the reset button on your life!

To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.

You can lead a horse to water but don't fiddle with it... that's just weird.

The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.

If you can't beat 'em, arrange to have them beaten.

It doesn't matter if your a king or a street sweeper, everyone dances with the grim reaper.

I'm not as think as you drunk I am"

"Yehuh"

"Why don't you sit down over there and let me tell you a story. This one time I ate boiled peanuts. I mean, like, a whole lot of 'em, right. And I'd like to got sick... You know what I mean?"

"Keep honking. I'm reloading my gun."

"Horn Broken? Watch for Finger."

"No, no, wait. Work is for people who don't know how to fish."

"Very funny Scotty, now bean down my clothes."

"Shut up and fish."

"Hey nice yard. It's nice."

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer

I can resist anything but temptation

I can resist anything but temptation

Please run him over with just enough force not to kill him."

"There's no patch for human stupidity."

"Don't you hate it when you're stabbing someone, and your knife gets stuck in them..?
I do..."

I reserve the right to be entirely wrong.

Those who criticize cannot harm those who create, without their permission

Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things

Gotta go. Building full of sick people. If I hurry maybe I can dogde 'em

YES THEY DESERVE TO DIE, AND I HOPE THEY BURNE IN HELL!!"

this is the worst party in the history of birth

Anything, everything is legal if you don't get caught."

did any of you come back just because you missed me?"