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Last night, my mom made "crumble burgers," it's like Sloppy Joe's but made of hamburger meat. I hate hamburger meat, and my mom knows that. So she gets mad when I fix something for myself. Or, try to... I was going to make a hot dog but there were no buns and I can't stand eating a hot dog without a bun. So she's yelling at me, saying she's tired of me not eating what she fixes. Does she even consider that I'll eat what she makes if she makes something I like? No, she only thinks of what she eats and my dad don't say otherwise. I know this for a fact because one of the rare times she makes something I like (like B-B-Q Wieners) I know my dad don't like it but he eats it. (Brave idiot...) So anyway, I keep my calm while she rants, a daily occurrence as of late, and then she suddenly says "That's it! No more computer for tonight! That's what your problem is!!"
I get mad and say, "No! The problem is you!" And storm into my room to say goodbye to the only people who seem to care about me anymore: Internet friends.
So I text Kittentroubles, saying I want to run away again, and we talk a bit. My mom calls for me and tells me to wash the dishes. I ask if I can dry them instead because that morning I got a cut on my hand and it was still an open wound. She starts yelling again, saying "No! You're going to take up more responsibilities in this house!" I make a wise decision to not mention that my 27 year old sister still lives in our house, and that her room stinks with old food and that I am way more responsible then most people in this house. So anyway, I can't help but cry 'cause soapy water plus an open wound is like putting salt on a burn. And she ain't helping matters. She goes on her computer while I'm doing the dishes and every once in awhile she comes in to dry what I've done. Selfish, computer-hogging &%($&... While I'm doing the dishes, my dad offers to take the rented DVDs back. She starts to yell at him, saying she'll do it. If she wants more help around the house, she has a strange way of getting it.
Anyway, I finish, and there's a few dishes in the dish drainer that she hadn't gotten to yet 'cause she was folding laundry. So I'm nice enough to do it for her, even put them away, and then head for my room so I could cry without her yelling at me more for making too much noise. Before I can though, she comes into the kitchen and is crying her pity-me song while yelling at me, saying that she's sick and I'm taking advantage of her. I hold my tongue while she calls me a slob. I probably would have over-looked that, if that morning she hadn't said that it seems I don't want to go to collage. So being called a slob was the last straw. I yelled back that she's always downgrading me, and I point out that I did her job for her. She's silent for a moment and then starts yelling again, saying that she noticed and she was going to say something but was too mad at me to do anything else but make me miserable and that she has a one-track mind. Big fat lie, I've seen her do multiple things at once all the time! I didn't say so, 'cause all I wanted was to go to my room, cry myself to sleep, and get the night over with. She continues yelling until finally she says I'm grounded from the computer and TV until I earn it back. Gah! I hate the woman! Is getting good grades in school not enough? Is helping out at church as often as I can not enough? So what if I like to be in my pajamas! Who doesn't?! So what if my room's a wreck! I keep it in my room, I've never made a mess outside of the house that I don't clean up afterwards. So she makes me clean up my room and say that I'll be going to bed on time and waking up at seven whether I'm off of school or not, and whether the previous rule was I had to ask and I could stay up if I was off. So I go to my room and get my phone and text Kittentrobles some more, who's the only one I could talk to at the moment. Somewhere in all that yelling I remember saying that I live in a *^$)@*%$ and she was asking (well, yelling) why I'm on the computer so much and I say that the internet-friends I have seem to be the only ones who care, at least care more than my family.
*deep breath* Gah, sorry about the rant... I just hate that woman so much!! Did she ever think that if I was raised on a steady set of barely-changing rules that she wouldn't have so much problems with rules now? Sure, I do try to get away with what I can, but I at least try to listen to what rules there are. But she just keeps changing them! If I break a rule, instead of keeping it and reminding me that I broke it, she changes it to a harsher rule! And if it's not harsh, she gives me free reign and then "forgets" she ever did it in the first place! There was a time she said I was now "Rudy" from The Bill Cosby show, meaning I could stay up as long as I like. I should have got her to write that down, 'cause supposedly her word is law unless she says she never said it.
Gah... I really am sorry about the rant, but there's just so much you can text a person and I've kept it bottled up... So this is a sneaked-on journal entry I wrote last night between 8 and 10, in which time I was just sitting around reading while crying my heart out. My dad didn't say one word... Sometimes I wish they would get a divorce and then I can move with him. I don't care if that meant going to public school. My mom's way scarier than a public school...
She sounded in a somewhat better mood today... So maybe I can manage to get back on her very small good side and get my screens back.