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Have you ever just felt like you are completely invisible? THat your thoughts don't matter to anyone that you try to hang out with?
Well that happens alot here, and it is really starting to take a toll on me cause i try so hard to make people happy and it just doesn't work. I know it is a cruel world, but hell... i'm more mature than alot of people in fourth company. I am not the one to run after a guy who i know will never be with me because he has already slept with me and wants to move on. Someone has done that. I am not the one who is going to judge and hate my "best" friend because she got the leading part in the play. I'm not doing that. Phoenix has one monologue in the play, and i have a very small part but dr. brooks said that i have a great chance of being a lead in the understudy performance. and that is good enough for me, i mean.. its still a performance. i am still doing something i love.
hannah shea is back and it is great to have someone back whom i feel i can talk to somewhat but i dont' want to bombard her. her leg started hurting and getting moist where the amputation happened and we were all worried it had started bleeding. it didn't.. it was just some body fluids. she has a cord inserted near the bottom of her knee (where the cut the leg off) and she says it hurts to unwrap her leg to clean it because unwrapping it makes the cord move. It just looks painfull when she has to untie the wrap to adjust things, and i can't help but turn away. i don't think she has ever seen me, so i hope at least. it is just so hard knowing that she will probably never dance they way she once did.
At least she is back, she has alot of fun in her little scooter and we have been trying to name it for a really long time. Haven't come up with anyting yet though.
I don't even know why i am writing this. No one is going to come read it because no one cares. Everyone is busy enough as it is. I just needed to let somethings out. But if anyone is reading this i would love a message or a comment. Just to know that you are there.
Even though i didn't get a great part in the play, dr brooks asked if i would like to be the assistant director. I agreed and i am very excited. I will be getting alot of work and knowledge out of it. ALot of work though, but oh well. Things aren't handed to you forever. GOtta work for it. Thats what i am doing.