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my eldest sister had a go at me for being on the internet so much! but right now there are problems going on in my family like my dad is ill! he had a nasty illness in his neck...(i think you might be able to guess wot it is)... my mam's oxygen intake-y thing is quite low and al that! and i've bin suffering dizzy spells for the past five years and i've bin having messed up nightmares for the past year and i've bin suffering from lack of sleep because of them...i'm sometimes too scared to go to sleep coz i don't want to see more people i care about get hurt in them...i'm almost an insomniac... my gay friend complains when i'm late to stuff because of my sleeping in the daytime! but now i have tablets to help me sleep i'm worrying about my dad! and my mam... so i don't need to be told by my older sister that it's stupid to be on the internet so much... it helps me cope with my problems if nothing else... and i'm turning into my brother which i don't want to follow in his shadow coz then no one will see "me" y'know? they'll just see an empty shell lagging behind in life......

i'm just an outcast angel with broken wings praying for the day they'll be fixed and all my problems to go away

i even wrote a poem to express my pain and suffering my sister and otherpeeps put me thru!

My heart locked away

Locked inside a cage of woe,
My life is sheltered hither and toe,
Lost and alone I cry at night,
Faking a smile in the morning light,
My mind tortures my soul to ruin,
My sleep disturbed and solemn,
The images frighten my heart so cold,
So I stay awake from what the horrors behold,
In my mind the sanity is all but gone,
The last piece clutched in my heart,
Life haunts my eyes in the happiness beyond,
Leaving me behind to suffer alone,
A warm embrace is all I need,
To save me from this misery,
A tender touch to heat my heart,
To let me feel free,
All is dark when I’m alone,
My life is ebbing away,
I wish someone would offer their hand,
And beg me to stay,
Sadness engulfs my soul,
Amazed that I didn’t die,
These are the last of my words,
As I say goodbye.

6/2/2008
i wish i had this outfit



sorry for the emo moment folks... i just needed to get this off my chest... please don't feel sorry for me ok? i'll end up crying and i've cried enuf for my lifetime! *sigh* cry





sum cute lil pics to cheer ppl up too! woot