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there alwaiz seems to be ups and downs.. and im writing this entry at the bottem of that down.. seems to be the case .. the last few entrys. my up was spending yesterday with shellz and well i had my down today.. i cried for the first time with contacts.. without wimpering or anything. just warm tears. it just feels uncomortable.
my parents.. was the reason. even on my birthday i was subject to it.. it was a misirable day but it was my b day. the 13th is said to be unlucky. the shuttle didnt launch too.. was menta leave on the night of my birth day.. shows u how dammed dat day is.. the nasa forcasted the 13 to be one of the best days to launch .. as was my birthday but how soon did things ******** up. the wether turned sour. with people accusing nick for doing somthing he did not do, my day became... rolled on to the next day ... but i kept it outa my mind. coz i was gona spend time with shellz
it was a good day.. but nothing happend dat night .. so i guess it is taking form today
the negetive efect of the positive. better to be inhuman and have no happiness or sorrow i feel sometimes. was driving back when it started. and i couldnt stop picturing walking away in my mynd.. just get out of the car and leave. at every stop.
i didnt say anything but it stadily got worse. started picturing ramming the car into somthing and ending it there. i reali hate things now. now im stiting here and i carnt stop tearing. while typing and getting yelled at. im feeling it inside. it burns of sorrow and latter it objectifys and i become angry and inhuman. it almost feels like every step foward i take 2 or more back. u look at ur self walking backward and wonder y u are walking in the first place.. why am i walking .. over and over again i find my self where i started. y do i walk.. y..