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Walking in the Shadows
I wrote this song last night. No, I haven't experienced anything like this, I was just listening to 'Romeo's Dead' by Sarina Paris, and 'Moonlight Shadow' by Groove Coverage, and decided to take a grimmer look at losing the love of your life to a violent death. Reviews are appreciated!

I glance in a mirror
Can't look myself in the eyes
Is it that day already?
It's time to say my goodbyes

Why did you have to show off?
To try and prove you're a man?
And why did you have to drink so much?
I know it wasn't your plan

Now you're...

Walking in the shadows
Ever since that night
Walking in the shadows
Ever since that fight
You didn't live to regret
Trying to prove you were right
And I'm sorry to say
He never saw the light

I walk through the doorway
And look around the room
So few people here to mourn
Ever does your presence loom

As I approach you
My heart echoes within
My tears fall from my face
The freezing cold pricks my skin

Because you're...

Walking in the shadows
Ever since that night
Walking in the shadows
Ever since that fight
You didn't live to regret
Trying to prove you were right
And I'm sorry to say
He never saw the light

The sadness consumes me
I can't take it anymore
"I'm sorry..."
Don't you try to stop me
Things should be like before
"The pain is too much..."
You meant everything to me
Even through this, I am yours
"It's the only thing I can do..."
And the darkness, it steals me
Now with you, I shall soar
"I'm coming..."

Now I'm...

Walking in the shadows
Ever since that night
Walking in the shadows
Ever since that fight
You didn't live to regret
Trying to prove you were right
And I'm sorry to say
He never saw the light






User Comments: [4] [add]
`Greed
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Mon Jul 18, 2005 @ 07:21pm
'TIS LE SAD! crying Very emo.


commentCommented on: Wed Jul 20, 2005 @ 01:10am
Well, it's better than a lot of the "poetry" that gets posted around here, so you certainly get points for that. Proper spelling, logical line breaks, and you tell a story that can be followed by a normal human being. More points. You chose to rhyme, which fits with the song style you used, and you were consistent in your use of rhyme. More points, with bonus points for not feeling overly forced.

A bit cliched and angsty...that's going to cost you a little bit. Let's see...

*does a series of complex calculations*

DING!

Looks like you come in at...7.5 out of 10. Not bad at all, given that the average rating on the Hip Ninja Poetry Index (or HNPI for short) is 2.5. Congratulations!

ninja



Hip Ninja
Community Member
aznpuppygurl09
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Wed Jul 27, 2005 @ 03:51pm
it's very sad, but also very good, sum of the best poetry/songs i've ever read...good!!! wink


commentCommented on: Tue Aug 02, 2005 @ 09:07pm
Really good blaugh



Red_Poison_Ivy
Community Member
User Comments: [4] [add]
 
 
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