In code:
I like apples. A lot. I care so much about apples it hurts sometimes. I know it sounds lame, but it is true. To be honest, I don't know what made me come to be so caught up with apples. Great...shiny cover. Not to mention the inside is perfect too. It's crazy that I can't have apples. In my world anyway. Then there are oranges. Not sayin' anything bad about oranges, alright? I like oranges. They're nice. Looks good on the outside to me. I think the inside is good, too. I like them both, but I prefer apples. Catch me?
#2:
Blaaaaaah! There has to be something wrong with me!! I don't think I'm normal at all! =/ My thoughts are so jumbled and it sucks. I want one thing, but then again I don't want it at all. It's not fear at all, just confusion. Why can't I just make up my ******** mind? Really? I was happy at first, but now I am doing the same ******** thing I always ******** do! Why? Why do I do that? I take risks. I do stupid things. Why can't I just do it now? Why do I have to try to lock myself away now?! Make things harder than they are. I get a little push that it is okay to hide, and I take it all the way. I just want to...leave. Leave all of this crud here. I really do. I'd move if I could take my friends with me, but my mom's apartment is so damn small. That would never work. =[
I'm sad with myself. Aggravated with myself. Annoyed with myself. I hate hurting people, but I hate hurting myself too. In the process, it is usually the other person I will end up hurting. =/ I hate that. Maybe the other person wouldn't even care. Maybe I just think the person would... I mean, guys really aren't emotionless after all, even if they do seem like it at times... I just feel so stupid. I'm not a bad person. I'm not! >__< I just do dumb things. I hate it so much. I wish I could be decisive. I wish I could make my own choices and like them. I wish I could be more forward. I wish I could actually care some more. Not just about guys, but a lot of stupid things. I hate ruining the things good I have. I feel like I do it a lot. =P I play serious stuff off as humorous or a joke. Just play it all off. Not saying I won't cry, or that I hide how I feel, because I am far from doing that. My friends will know my true feelings about things, but it doesn't help with what I want to change. =/ I still can't ever choose what to do on my own. What ******** blows is that I end up liking guys I have to be forward with. Or guys that just don't ******** get it unless I spell it the ******** out. I'm not good at that!!!!!! I'm not... It is so frustrating, but I know I am like the least obvious person about this s**t. I know I am. It still gets on my nerves. I can't even flirt right. Hah hah. I fail at this crud. I do, and I can't help it. >_< When people ask me why I don't have a boyfriend, I wish they could tell me the answer themselves. Honestly, I'd like to know. My guesses are just as good as anyone else's. I'm too shy? I close myself off? I'm the 'friend'? I always get the last one. lol Which doesn't even bother me. I'd rather be friends than nothing at all. Still, I'd like someone. Someone not boring. Someone not shy. Someone...who likes me back?
This blog is so pathetic! D< I hate it. But it feels good to vent. =]
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Let me just say... I think I really, really like this guy. Really... A lot.... I just find it pointless to be more than friends, ya know? Plus he loves someone else. It hurts me to be encouraging, but what else can I do? If we're not together, then I see no point. =P I'll just be single until I meet someone else worthwhile I spose...
Community Member
Just saying: there's nothing wrong with you. Things will settle out. Maybe you'll be like me and just not like having other people share your head.
Cheers,
Kumi