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Currently listening to: The end credits of "Memoirs of a Geisha"
I have been a fool. The past two years of my relationship with my ex boyfriend have been a lie. I loved him, i cared for him, i did everything i could to see him happy and to see him succeed in life and it was alright. But then...when i knew my efforts were to be in vain, i left him. Somewhere in my mind, I had thought that that single gesture would change his ways and get him to where he needs to be going at his day and age.
But I was wrong. That only made things worse. He grew to hate me, he grew to resent me...But i tried. I tried so hard and I stayed with him for so long because somewhere in my heart, i knew that we were going to be happy together. I held that thought close...but not close enough.
As we drift further and further apart, i see now his true nature. His true personality is to be cruel to those above him and to belittle those who are superior. That is exactly what he did to me. A year into the relationship, i give him a glimpse of what he and I hoped our future would have. I let him see myself in the most vulnerable state any person could be in. And for what...he used me. Because in that year, he had quit schooling and doing anything at all. He became a bum, feeding off his father like a leech. He knew nothing of what turmoils were to await him.
I tried again, this time as a friend instead of a lover. I tried to be by his side as a companion, even if all i got from him was hurt and pain. I wept so much and my heart had been stabbed so many times with the same knife...him. All I did to him was leave him and he claimed that he loved me. But i saw now that this was a fallacy in itself. He did not love me; he told me himself the moment i gave myself to him...he began to use me. He used me for my body, for what i could do to him. He used me to pleasure him, not for love, but for lust. I was his toy, i was his plaything...i was his experiment. His words exactly...i was his whore. He never wanted to marry me. He never wanted anything from me than to one day, take what is more precious to me: my purity. I thank God everyday now, for he did not take that treasure away from me. He took my soul, he took my heart, he took my dignity, but he did not take my purity.
But now, my soul has returned to me. My torn heart had been repaired by someone else, someone better than he. My dignity...it was in his nature to belittle those with power over him, trying to get them down to his level. He thought, by removing me from his life and telling me that for the last two years of our three year relationship he used me for my body, that i would break down and think of myself less than he.
Well he's wrong. For telling me that only makes me stronger. He has shown me how much of an idiot i was for loving him and how much better and happier i will be without him. He has failed in his own life, while mine continues to grow higher. In time, when i have reached my peak and he is still where he is now, struggling, i will not stoop to his level and tell him how much of a failure he is. I am happy now. I did not know love until i met the one who mended my broken heart. The love i felt for...him...was merely puppy love, child love. Yes, i felt like i loved him, but i did not even know the emotion until i met the one i am with now. My love for him is so much stronger than my love for the other. Never did i feel with the other the pain in my chest of happiness nor the urge to cry every time i laid in his arms or kissed his soft lips out of love. I love him so much...like no other.
He may think that i cannot prove any of this to anyone, but he failed to realize that I am smarter than he may think i am. I know that hard evidence is the only way to prove my story. And that is exactly what i have. I have the power to take him down, but i will not use it. I have the power to destroy what he knows and "loves". I will not lower myself to dirt...no...less than dirt for vengeance. I have too much happiness in my life now.
I have been a fool...but i have learned from my mistakes.
Minamino Teku · Mon Mar 24, 2008 @ 02:28am · 13 Comments |
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