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Currently listening to: "Caring is Creepy" by The Shins
I try to become friends with him again in hopes that he could forget about what we have been through but it turns out that I was wrong. The pattern only completed its course. I give him a chance, he hurts me, he apologizes, i forgive, and he hurts me again. It continues on and on and this time...it was the last chance. The other chance was an unfair one, mainly because I tricked him. But this time, with no strings attached, and i saw how he truly felt.
He truly didnt care about me; he truly didnt want the friendship. I say nothing but positive things and he gets annoyed at it, saying i'm too optimistic. He complains about his life and all i try and do is comfort but seeing the glass is half full and that annoys him...I do not understand. If I am pessimistic about it, then i would end up hurting him more than he is already feeling and it's just one more thing to use against me. He used the breakup to his advantage quite a bit. I remember some things he has said to me, using me for my body, along with some new things in this last conversation.
Some things never change. Some people cant help but be who they truly are. I cant expect him to change because he wont. I think of nothing but positive things about our relationship, all the good memories. He just cant seem to let go of the bad things. He cant seem to get over what we have been through and try to see past it. He claims that it is a bad thing that I still think of him sometimes and that i still have memories up in my room of him. He took down his a long time ago, perhaps in an attempt to get over me.
It worked for a while...but he said himself he still thinks about me. He is with someone else, yet he still thinks about me. "I would give up what I have now to be with you." I found this quite humorous coming from him. He says his love is the best thing in the world to him and that she is so much better than what he ever had. And yet...he was willing to give her up to get back with me? rofl What silly thoughts loneliness can give you. With this, he has revealed that being with me was a mistake. He knew it would end, as if to imply that being with me for nearly three years was a waste of time. Funny.
Upon reading this, he would probably not be happy, considering he said that he doesnt want me writing about him anymore. Bad mouthing him and such. I'm not bad mouthing; i'm merely speaking the truth as to what happens in my daily life. Nothing more, nothing less. I can post what i want and when I want about whoever I want.
Somethings never change. I try to be friends and he only followed the pattern he has set himself with. I could only wish him happiness and the best of luck with his love. As for me, I have my happiness. I do not need luck, for I have my prince. I have true love.
He has ruined his last chance and i'm sure he's probably thinking "well who cares?" blah blah blah. I honestly dont care what he thinks. It was merely my conscious trying to give him one last chance at what he missed out on and he blew it, as always. The one standing, laughing at all this, is not him.
It is me.
Minamino Teku · Sat Apr 05, 2008 @ 12:06pm · 8 Comments |
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