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I wrote this journal a couple minutes ago, but when I clicked "Preview" the thing messed up and EV-ER-Y-THING I WROTE GOT DELETED. EVERYTHING. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW %^& %$# PISSED OFF I AM!!! I'M BALLING MY EYES OUT NOW!!! NOW IM GOING TO VENT. IM GETTING TO THE BOTTOM OF THE ISSUE IM TRYING TO GET ACROSS.

I'm worried about my friend Kyle. He cuts himself, and it's really starting to worry me. And now that I'm crying, I'm more worried than ever. It's like the whole deleting thing triggered a MAJOR cord inside. I'm now at "NO MORE MISS NICE DIANNE" mode.

To Kyle:
I am sick and tired of hearing about you cutting yourself. It hurts me to know you do something like this because cutting is a major issue that needs to get nipped in the butt FAST. Why you do something like this, I do not know. I know everyday I nag you and nag you. I'm just worried. I'm your FRIEND, therefore I have a right to care about you. There are people out there who are going through A LOT worse crap than you, trust me. There are people with no homes, no money, nothing. Cutting may not seem like a big deal to you, but it is to me. Sometimes, cutting can lead to SUICIDE-- which, if I'm not mistaken-- YOU ATTEMPED A YEAR AGO! It truly pains me to see you joke about how you have your "Cutting arm" and stuff. I'm really glad the cousilor caught you cutting before anything truly bad happened. It's a serious psychological issue, which may not hurt you, but it DOES hurt the people who care about you. It is selfish for someone to do this kind of thing because people worry about your well-being. I'm sorry if I come off as the bad guy in all this, but please, for me, just stop. You need to find another way to let out your anger. Try Skateboarding or something, or play a video game. ANYTHING other than slicing up your arm like a freakin cutting board. Seriously, what good does cutting do? That's right: nothing. Nothing at all. I love you, man, but the cutting has GOT to stop. Just look at my friend Kelli; she went through THE WORST CRAP EVER: almost ALL of her old friends hate her; her family treats her like a freak; people at her own CHURCH spread HORRIBLE rumors about her; and seriously, it was as if the whole world went against her; she's into THERAPY now. But ya know, even though she used to cut herself, one day she realized: it wasn't worth it. None of it was worth it. So she just stopped. It doesn't help you AT ALL to cut yourself. All it does is make things worse. I may not have ever cut myself before, but I know people who have experianced it. Devin has also cut herslef before. She stopped now. And can't you tell SHE wants you to stop also? You love her-- and me. We both care about you.

We really want you to stop.

I had a role play before. Maybe now that I've calmed down, I'll redo it:

Me: Kyle, I wanna talk to you about your cutting
Kyle: Oh geez, here we go again rolleyes
Me: I'm serious, Kyle! Just listen up.
Kyle: Why don't you just stop nagging me?
Me: Because I'm worried about you. I really want you to stop, it pains me to know that you do such a think to your body.
Kyle: Why do you care?
Me: Cutting effects more people than you know; and you can see that it effects me.
Kyle: So?
Me: So?! SO?!?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN SO?!?!
Kyle: I said 'so!'
Me: There are people out there in WAY WORSE conditions than you!
Kyle: *guilt trip* I know!! I can't help it, though!
Me: You just need another way to let out your anger; try Skateboarding or something, or playing a video game!
Kyle: I already do that; I just eventually cut myself later on.
Me: Well then Skate even more!! Do Something that will let out your frustration!
Kyle: Nothing works!
Me: Ugh, honestly Kyle, what has cutting ever done for you?
Kyle: I don't know!!
Me: You don't know?! It does nothing for you! Seriously, it's not good. Don't you know what it sometimes leads to?
Kyle: Ummm....
Me: SUICIDE. IT LEADS TO SUICIDE.
Kyle: ... Ugh...
Me: Look at my friend Kelli: I mean, she's been through THE WORST CRAP, but ya know? She used to cut herself, but when she realized all it was doing was hurting her friends, she stopped. It is very selfish when someone will do something like that because other people worry about you. We just want the best for you Kyle, that's all.
Kyle: You must really care about me...
Me: That's because I'm your FRIEND.
Kyle: *smirk*
Me: Yes, yes, I care about you, ok?! Please just listen to me.
Kyle: *sigh* Ok... *puts hand on shoulder* I'll stop.
Me: *hugs* I'm sorry to look like the bad guy, but I care about you. I truly do.
Kyle: Ok.


Tasting the tears that roll down my cheek. But what I'm crying about is a little different. I cry because of a mixture of reasons: Yes, Kyle and I are friends, but we like each other. Since I can't date, we've decided to go our seperate ways for now. He's dating my friend Devin now. She's also another one of my friends who's cut herself, but of course she stopped. She's also after him for cutting himself.
So basically I'm sad because:
1. I feel empty inside for him going to date other people
2. I'm worried for him about cutting himself
3. I'm mad at myself for taking this so hard
4. I want help. I need a threrapist-- no, I don't. wait, yes-- no-- yes--

GOD HELP ME!!!! NO WAIT, JUST PLEASE STRENGTHEN ME!! I'M SO WEAK!!!

5. I'm weak and need to freakin suck it up, dammit.
SUCK IT UP
SUCK IT UP
SUCK IT UP
STOP THINKING ABOUT IT SO MUCH
STOP THINKING ABOUT IT SO MUCH
STOP THINKING ABOUT IT SO MUCH

help me...