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For once, an entry not about questing. Life is life, and there's little we can do to change it. My friend says I'm emo, but I don't really feel it. I mean, I'm depressed as ********, and I have been for about 2 weeks, but that doesn't make me emo. The rain and storms make me happy, but whatever. I don't want this to be seen as whining. but my friend thinks Louie is a whiner, and I feel almost as if he and I were twins of the heart and soul. I feel like crying. I've wanted to for days. wish I could. the only friends I have that I usually talk to are...distant. for there own reasons of course. But...things aren't going so well in my relationship, or in my family(s). College is going....all right, I suppose. I just want to sleep and dream and never wake up. I guess that is pretty emo of me. But my friend doesn't know that part. Then again she's very perceptive, so she might. Everyone I care about seems to be falling apart. I feel as if a great deal of it is my fault, and in a way, it is. I'm on Gaia and reading my stories so much because i want to escape. My reality not only doesn't live up to my expectations, but it downright sucks. Then again, many think the same. There's a rather fine line between whining and expressing. I seem to cross it too often. I want to be happy, and I try, I really do. It...I...just....-sighs- I don't know what to do anymore. It's 3:30am right now, and I can't sleep because my thoughts are racing a mile a minute. I wish I could jog. too bad I don't know where to go. Life is life, and I know I'll just have to suck it up and deal, grin and bear it, smile like I mean it....but...inside I'm screaming, drowning, wishing I were anyone but me, anywhere but here. Then I think of all those lee fortunate than I, and I can't help but think that I'm just an insensitive whining little girl. Am I? I don't want pitty or anything, I just need to rant, that's all. I am what I am, and I best get used to it I suppose. It's not like I have a choice.
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