MOVING AWAY~
So in about 3 weeks from now is when we are moving. I want to, but I really don't want to. Its confusing for me and I can't really take it anymore. Sure I act all happy during school and when I'm near my friends, but inside I'm just a lost and sad little girl, crying all day and night. My friends are dear to me and I don't want to leave them. Some of them are like, the only people I tell some things. Some things I don't even tell my parents.. I don't know if I will ever find any friends like them in Oregon.. Or even If I find any friends at all. I doubt it highly.. Today while I was waiting for the bus to go home, I almost started crying when my friends showed up and started having a good time. (Almighty Brownie, if you were wondering why I was quiet that was basically why.) I will miss all of it deeply. Even though this town sucks eggs with rotten shells and has nothing exciting, I will miss it. I grew up in this town and lived in this house for 15 years. Its going to be hard to let it go. Hmmm.. There is just a lot of wordless emotions running through me about this that is hard to explain..
AUNT AND COUSIN PROBLEMS~
So My cousin has been living with us for quite some time and quite frankly, he's ticked me off a number of times. But my sister enjoys him here and that makes me happy even though I know they hide a lot of stuff from me and keep me out of a lot of things they do with each other and they're friends. He was going to move with us and live with us in the new house, but recently, our Broke Aunt who has been mooching off my Dad in his house in Oregon has decided to move in with her daughter in Florida. She also said that my cousin is going with her. even though I was looking forward to my life without him, I've gotten attached to him around and will be sad when he leaves. I just hope he will be ok since he has been dragged around everywhere because his mom is broke and doesn't want to do anything but sit at her computer. Not even get a job! So she has been moving from State to state and living off her relatives. My cousin is quite sick of it and I'm sure he will fall apart when he moves back in with his mom since his mom drives him up a wall. Also, my dad and my aunt have been getting into loads of arguments for a long long time and I'm just worried he might get a heart attack from all this stress. And I'm quite sick of hearing about them myself..
NEW CAT AND KITTENS~
About four weeks ago, a stray cat kind of moved in with us. She was a nice cat and all as well and let us pet her while she purred. On that Sunday four weeks ago, she gave birth to five adorable kittens. sine we couldn't just leave them outside I took them into my room to stay and that is where they have been for all that time. I know that its bad to keep her couped up in my room, but she can't go out of my room because she gets into really big fights with our other cats. About 2 weeks ago, she had gotten really sick and we had to rush her to the vet or else she would have died. We had to pay a large sum of 1000$ for it. Which for us was a lot of money. But she was able to come back and nurse her babies. But we aren't sure if we are going to keep her. She has a really sensitive stomach and every time we give her wet cat food she gets diarrhea, missing the box slightly most of the times. Meaning I have to clean it every time. But I don't want to give her away because I've gotten attached to her and even cried for her when she was sick. I love the babies too, but we can't keep that many cats. I'm able to give them away without feeling upset. I don't know what we are going to do.
GENDER CONFUSION~
Ever since I could remember, I've always yearned to be male. I don't know why. Perhaps it is easier that way. Being female is tough. Ever time I leave my house I'm constantly on the lookout and in fear of being kidnapped or Raped. If I was male I wouldn't really have that problem.. But I don't want to get a sex change. I wanted to be born a male.
GRADES~
I'll just get to the point. My grades suck. I have been going through so much stress that I have at least a D average. If my parents find out I will never hear the end of it.
Bah, I guess thats it for the night.
