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I've been sobbing for the past hour or so.
It may not all be physical, but emotionally I am.
My brain just wants to shut down.
But my body is still living.
My soul is still writhing beneath my skin.
And I'm still alive for one person.
Pat.
I just hope he loves me.
He says he does.
He promised me he'd always love me.
I just hope he's not like, a fake.
Like some guys can be.
Some guys act sincere just to get a ******** or five thousand.
Then they leave.
They leave the girl, wishing she wasn't stupid.
But he hasn't done that to me.
And I know he won't.
I hope he never does.
I'm just... such a pathetic little b***h.
I don't know how Pat loves me like he does.
He spoils me rotten with gorgeous jewelery and beautiful flowers.
But how does he love me?
I'm so ugly, stupid, pathetic, loser-ish.
He's so amazing...
I'm not.
Like right now, I'm sobbing.
I miss him so much.
I love him with all my heart.
I just want to be with him so badly.
That's all I ever want.
I want to graduate and get away from this family.
I want to be with the one I love.
I want to be with my future husband.
The future father of my children.
If he just silently opened my front door with the house key I gave him;
Snuck silently up stairs;
And kissed me on my cheek;
Then whispered that everything would be okay...
I would stop crying and feel so much better.
But that's not going to happen.
Not until this summer or when we're married.
I just miss him.
I miss having his warm body near mine.
I miss listening to his heart beat.
I miss listening to his breath.
I miss him.
 CaRto0nz · Sun May 25, 2008 @ 09:12am · 1 Comments |
