Dear Journal....
Why does it feel like that when life couldn't possibly kick you any further that you can always find some new blow that leaves you reeling? Why is that just as soon as you think that things might be looking up, that something flies straight out of hell's left field and completely turns your world upside down? Well... Today is such a day for me, it seems. I know I just wrote a message in here earlier (
Link here...), discussing all the awesome happy stuff that was going on. I guess I must have called it too soon... SO, just in case you are wondering what I'm babbling on and on about, I just watched my dog get hit by a car and killed tonight... It was the most terrible thing I have possibly seen since I saw a man get beheaded on the internet... This time, though, the death hit home. I know something bad was going to happen when my dad said he couldn't find Copper, my sister's dog we're watching until she can get the money for her pet deposit in. We all started to scatter to look about the house and yard for him when I decided to go outside and take a look. There was something detrimentally wrong though as I stepped onto the back porch and was only greeted by my little sister's dog. Barley didn't come running when I came. He always came running when I go onto the back porch. I searched the yard and suddenly realized that they were both gone.
I came back inside and informed my folks that he was missing too and then we all kinda freaked. Mom and I ran to the front yard and started to walk along the road, yelling for them. They didn't come. I suggested that we go by car and my dad came outside, about that time, and we got in the PT and began to drive up the highway while my mom and sister drove down the oher way. I and my father drove for a mile before we decided to come back and look around the house some more... I had this odd feeling that we should have turned about soner though... I was just so worried that he might be a little further ahead that I didn't listen to it and, as such, went til we reached a mile and then turned around. Well, we were coming just around the bend to get back to my house when we saw an oncoming car... And then, a dog ran out in front of it. Dad's first words were, "Oh, my God! They hit it! They've hit a dog." That's when I lost it... "Oh, God no... Oh, God NOOoooo." It was all I could say as we drove past the house and up to our next door neighbors were the body of a retriever-collie mix lay bleeding from it's mouth; having been hit so hard that it knocked him instantly dead. That dog, was barley.
It was an accident, my mother and father told me after the guy whom hit Barley turned back around to apologize and explain what had happened. Copper had came running back to the house and was there when we arrived, but Copper had darted out into the road and the guy couldn't get out of the way. Everyone here is pretty torn up write now... I and my sister especially. My Dad keeps trying to console me, but he's not doign a very good job at it. Actually, he's just upsetting me further, to be honest. It's just this simple:
I shouldn't have animals. Not one. Every animal I've ever own has either been killed, stolen, ran away, or sold by my parents (not that I blame them because we needed the money and couldn't afford to take care of them at times). I honestly think that I have some kinda curse or that the world just has some kinda vendetta towards me having ANYTHING that I can care about. I know it sounds stupid and crazy... And, in all honesty, it probably is. It's just so God damned uncanny that it always seems to happen with my animals. I've never owned a dog or a cat or a reptile for longer then a half a year to a year... Sometimes, far shorter then that. It's just so damn unfair that this has to always be something that follows me around... All this bad luck. All this misfortune. All this pain and depression and sadness. I'm trying so hard to live my life as righteously and as holy as I can. I'm not a saint, but I'm, at least, trying to obtain something greater then what I am... I know I'm a filthy sinner. I'm far from perfection. However, I am trying to be like christ. I'm trying so hard to be righteous and holy. I'm trying so hard to become something more then this Human flesh. But, it seems that I'm always the one whom has to have this s**t happen. I see people whom live their lives like Hell having it so easy. But, for me... It's always a constant struggle, a constant heartbreak, and tears.... Oh so many tears. You know, should I ever make it to heaven, I swear I never want to shed another tear again... Not, unless, they be tears of joy.
Anyways, I'm sorry to have to drop this bomb upon you like this. I'm just really upset right now, so I think I'll just go ahead and post this.. And, maybe call another friend. I tried to call Shella, but she had her own emergency come up. I'm sure it's important... Whatever it may be. Might have been the sick kitten she was trying to watch till they could get it to the humane society tomorrow... Anyways, I'll talk to you all later. Good night, God bless, and (if you have one) give your dog a hug for me... To that end, give your loved ones hugs. You know... An hour before this all happened, that was what I was doing... I gave him a hug and was petting him. he kissed my face and layed next to me... laid still for the first time since I got him. I wonder if he knew his time was coming? Anyways, Good night. All of my love.
~Jeshua
Community Member
Just in case you were curious, this was Barley:
He was such a sweet dog. he always barked and whined and carried on, when I came home from wherever, till I would sit down and pet him. He was very rotective of all of us and he loved to have his belly rubbed. I miss him so much right now. Anyways, much to my suprise, Shella returned my call and we talked for a while. Turns out that the animal control people came to pick up the injured Kitten she and Evey found and told them that they were probably going to have ot put it down. She had to try to calm Evey down because she was very emotional about it and then called me back. It really made me feel alot better to talk to her.
Well, on to the updat-iest part of the update. I dug a 4ft long by 3ft wide by 4ft deep hole that I laid Barley in and buried him. We had wrapped him in two 40 gallon bags (which were far to small for a dog his size) and, then, covered him in an old blanket to keep animals and bugs from bothering him last night. After I finished, my sister informed me that there was a puddle of blood around him where he had leaked out all night and I proceeded to go and grab the blanket and bring him to the hole. He dripped blood all over my pants-legs as I carried him, but it was alright... I can still smell the strong odor of him mixed with warm blood in my nose... My clothes are currently in the wash.
Well, my sister helped me bury him in the hole I dug and then we patted down the earth so nothign would try to dig him up. Then, she gave me a wooden plank to use as a marker and I came inside to get some boiling hot water and soap to scrub the concrete. I ended up using an old broom as a scrubber and two pots of water later, it's clean. I made a wallpaper on my computer of the picture you saw above and it's currently on my desktop. I think I might leave it up for a few days... All of our other Animals are acting extremely odd and depressed today, so I guess they already know. My dad took my sister's dog back to her today so, now, we just have the two ankle biters and my sister's chocolate pit Puppy.
I really pray to God that my mom doesn't get a wild hair later on and gets another dog for me. I really don't want to get attached again and lose another one. I'd just assume to have no other pet until I can be away from this God forsaken Highway...
Anyways, I've been on this update for to long and I'm weary... I'll catch you all later. All of my love to you all.
~Jeshua (Lynx D.)