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So I'm working this story idea for Stargate: Atlantis and I've started writing, which is a huge step for me since it's been a while since I've written anything serious.

But . . . well . . . I'm not as happy as I could be with my prose. The style feels a little stilted. I'm hoping it's just because I've never written for Atlantis before and I'm still finding my feet in the universe and trying to capture the character's voices properly. 'Cause otherwise I think I might have lost my writing mojo! sweatdrop

Oh the horror!! eek

Here's what I've written so far:

The muted bleeping of the nearby machines had become all too familiar to Colonel John Sheppard during his time here. Sighing he opened his eyes to find himself once again in the Atlantis infirmary. The worst part was he had no idea why he was here. Had it been a Wraith stunblast? It didn’t feel like he had been shot in any conventional sense. Maybe he’d taken one too many blows while training with Teyla.
Sitting up Sheppard looked around; Doctor Beckett didn’t seem to be on duty for once. Normally the amiable Scotsman made an effort to be about whenever one of Sheppard’s team was injured. In fact, Sheppard swung his legs over the gurney, no one seemed about. Even in the middle of the night you could count on someone being up. The whole place was run by workaholics.
‘Hello?’ Sheppard slid off the side of the bed, wincing slightly at the coldness of the floor on his bare feet. ‘Doctor Beckett? Rodney? Teyla . . . anyone?’
Silence, Sheppard couldn’t even hear the faint swish of waves washing against the city outside. Where was everyone?
‘What are you doing up, Colonel?’
Sheppard looked up to see a nurse enter the infirmary, cradling a thick sandwich. ‘Huh?’ Oh yeah, real slick, John.
‘I know I’m supposed to be on duty but,’ the nurse waved her sandwich about, ‘I got a bit peckish. You won’t tell Doctor Beckett on me, will you?’
‘Your secret is safe with me,’ Sheppard tried to remember the nurse’s name. He just didn’t have the knack of name recall that Weir had. ‘Rodriguez, right?’
‘Yes sir.’ Rodriguez shyly smiled as she held out the sandwich. ‘Are you hungry, sir?’
For the briefest of seconds the nurse’s face seemed to blur exposing some twisted dark face that snarled up at Sheppard.
Blinking in surprise Sheppard stepped backwards. ‘Uh, no thanks.’ Trying to act casually he changed the movement so that he placed the bed between the two. ‘Say, where is everyone?’
‘Sleeping, sir, everyone’s asleep except for us.’ Noticing Sheppard’s actions Rodriguez frowned. ‘Is everything alright, sir?’
‘Just looking for my boots.’
Thrown by the sudden change of conversation Rodriguez frowned. ‘Uh, in the locker? Are you sure you’re alright?’
Sheppard smiled at the nurse. ‘Just dandy, don’t let me keep you from your sandwich.’
‘Oh,’ Rodriguez nodded, ‘yes, sir.’
Sheppard watched as Nurse Rodriguez walked over to the other side of the room and settled herself down at a desk. Picking up a pen she began to make some notes on a chart.

Best thing to do, imo, is keep on slogging and once I *fingers crossed* get the feel right go back and redo the beginning.