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Maybe..maybe I'm insane...paranoid even. But one thing I do know, something I learned in this life, I can never get what I want. Think about this, all the things you wanted, money, friends, love...everyone has their share of this greed, for things that you feel is necessary for human life. BUT, when you want it, it feel like you must defy all universal forces to achieve this goal. Once you get it it's fine and you can move on, but what if your like me? See here, I seemed to have failed in this process of receiving. I worked hard, I really did, but I can never get the damned concept of the quest. Even if I do, I'll just screw it up and have the whole operation be throw out of control and soon...you're just feeling alone, and wondering "how did this happen?". It seems to me that once I fail, I turn to a fail safe, but if that fails then we just keep on going in this perverse cycle of life that people are some how comfortable with. Yes yes, I know...I could just blame it on angst of a teen and go on with life, but I thought I had this planned out from the start, but I can't do it..I don't have the proper resources, and by the time I do, I fear that it would be all too late.

Think of this by a scenario such as this. A man is walking in the woods and comes to a fork in a road, he stops and has to think quickly BUT he must take the right path or he will fail in his mission. You see he has to get out of the forest so he can eat and survive til the next obstacle comes. So he is on the clock, he chooses and he may have gone the wrong way, he may not. He has no map, and no one told him the way. So now it gets hard, he has to cross a river, but has no boat, he must walk across and all know this too well that he cannot. Meanwhile, an animal wonders around at his food, and starts to slowly eat it away. The man dose not hate the animal, but has a bit of dislike for he needs the food to survive. So the man is stuck, waiting...ether for some one to help him across or to learn to walk on water. He looks ahead and sees thrones and bushes and more and more milestones for his journey. He knows that more are there, but he cannot see them for they are to far ahead. And who knows, maybe there are some that he can cross, and some he may need to focus on. The fact of the matter is he has little time, and if he doesnt make it soon, he will be doomed.

Thank you for listening for what it's worth, hell maybe you learned something about yourself somehow. I wish the best of luck to the lucky, who have gotten their wish and achieved their goals, me on the other hand, I'll be looking for a boat.

Sincerely,
Fate Ryku