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I think the main reason I'm so ready to go out into the world, to pay taxes and for everything I own, to have to struggle to survive, the reason I look forward to that so much is that I just hate my parents. It's a core thing. And now matter what I try to do, they just force me to hate them even more.
I know someone is going to read this and thing I'm just being a cry baby and that I got my phone taken away right now or something,
No, nothing happened, I just hate them. It's a core thing that I live with now everyday and I really don't like.
They have some good traits. like I can go out like once a month with my father when he finally gives me attention, and when he actually listens and talks he can be very smart, and my mother is a great cook, and sometimes she is really fun to shop with, and she has random moments when she wants to buy me just everything.. o_O;
But overall, I hate them. My father ignores us all the time and then yells that he always listens to us, I have to yell at him to get off the computer for him to hear anything I say, which he'll never do. If I ever try to discuss anything with my mother, she just starts yelling that I am yelling at her and that I'm lecturing her, when all I want to do is talk about how things have been happening in the family.. I'm scared to even say that I'm unhappy in anyway, since when I try to talk about the current family conditions, she just starts yelling that she is such a terrible parent that she might as well leave or something, then she goes back to sitting in front of the T.V. all day. My father wont' do anything to punish Tony, who is always picking on Barry by hitting him everytime he walks by or by ordering him to do some string of stupid commands for him to even pour his own bowl of cereal, and they won't do anything to stop it. They rarely let me leave the house, and when the do I have to be back every hour. For the sake of it all I"m 17. And I have to be back at the house every hour. And that's when the actually let me out. The majority of the time they won't let me go anywhere, then complain that I'm on the Internet all the time, so RIGHT AFTER they say I need to go out more, I say, in a calm compromising way (since I really do prefer to be out with my friends) okay, I'll go play with Adri or someone else now, they just b***h then that I can't leave the house. I really don't see what the issue is. I don't owe them any money, I do most of the choirs around the house, in reality I take care of Barry more from Tony then anyone, I'm the only one who lectures Tony about him being so rude, I follow all the rules, yes I may complain, but I follow them. The only one I didn't was one day I finally was fed up with all their illogical actions and immature behavior, and walked out of the house. I ran away to Louie, I'm really glad he was there for me. They don't respect my space, they argue all the time, then after spending all day arguing they wonder why I'm never down stairs. It seems every time I go down there, someone is arguing about something, and if they aren't, soon they will be. If I ever try to talk to them about how I'm unhappy about the rules in any manner, and try to compromise, my mother yells and rants and bitches (sorry but the only appropriate word) and won't listen. Honestly, I don't think she even knows HOW to talk to children, she either has to look down on them and lecture, or just ignore them all together. Then my father won't listen, or if he does after I finally pester him enough, he makes a long list of demands for a foggy period of time that I must follow, and if I do he never goes down with his side of the deal. *sigh* I really detest saying that, That I hate my parents. It sounds like such a cruel things to say and is very.. black... I guess you could say. Along with the fact that it just makes me sound so disrespectful. Also, I don't want to hate them, I try so very hard to talk and compromise with them. They just won't listen. To anything I do. I just have to hide up in my room and try to stay out of the arguments, and keep my thoughts to myself. I really can't wait to leave, I just feel bad for Barry since he'll have to suffer from Tony even more.
It's not an upfront bloody statement, it's something I have to write out because I guess I feel guilty for it. It's something that gently burns inside me and I really don't like it. It's not a temporary thing, since this has been going on for a very long time now. I don't care how terrible my life is in the future, I really have confidence that my parents are liars and that I can someone manage to survive, I mean I was accepted to a collage after my second year of high school, and with all my A.P. classes, I'm sure I'll do someone fine. I just want to be away from them. From all the arguing, from being ignored.