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So I'm back to bitching in this thing.

It's been a month since I started at Subway, and honestly it's the best job I've ever had, minus a few crap-tastic days of busy periods and being the only person working after eight pm. yay.

Anywho, this is about something else. but a common topic amongst my rantings. A girl. Two girls actually, one still being Nathalie.

I do, however, have a new one to b***h about today, but I'm not necessarily bitching about her.

I like her. She's VERY MUCH not my typical girl, and very much still the opposite of everything that I Am... but she's cute. Gorgeous. Inteligent... but Still another who seems to string me along. She's been at Subway every day since she met me. EVERY DAY for three weeks. She's the step-sister of an employee who also hangs around when she's not on shift, but Sam has also come to see just me several times now. she enjoys my company, but I don't know how much further it goes beyond that.

She knows I like her, but I have no clue how she feels, beyond the fact that we do have a date next saturday. (MAYBE now... I don't know after tonight...) A double date with her step-sister and another employee, and my best friend.

Now... Every day, sammy and I get called a cute couple.

http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a22/TrentSylverstar/2008_0727_175329.jpg

http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a22/TrentSylverstar/2008_0729_212842.jpg

http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a22/TrentSylverstar/2008_0724_235821.jpg

http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a22/TrentSylverstar/2008_0729_212831.jpg

You be the judge.

Anyway... Her and I aren't even really dating. Aren't going out, but I spend every night with my arm around her, my hand on her hip, around her waist, something. I don't know what her and I are and I'm sick and tired of it.

We were all at her new apartment tonight, having a few drinks. Her and I got talking about the ever popular "what the ******** are we?" Subject which she so loves to avoid.

See, Sammy's never had a guy who's treated her right. At least not one that wouldn't just ******** her and leave her, and she doesn't realize that I'm not that kind of guy AT ALL. She doesn't understand that when I LIKE someone, I don't just keep them for a week and toss them aside like garbage.

MAYBE I thought that when I first met her, but talking to her, getting to know her more. I really do like her and I Wouldn't ever hurt her like that...

She doesn't know that I've been hurt far worse than she could imagine. I have the scars on my heart to prove it. I don't think I've ever really told her about the s**t that I experienced when it comes to women or relationships.

but she said something tonight that just made my panic sense flare up... "I Don't get in relationships anymore"
"Yet we're going on a date next saturday..."
"Yea, well I mean. I can still see people. let them treat me nice..."

And that was it. My panic flared and The thought flashed in my head "Is this just another one who's using me?"

I left the apartment pretty quick. They all knew something was wrong. And I told Eric before I left (Eric being my best friend) "All I'm doing is chipping away at that little shield of her's. That one that's blocking any access to getting close to her emotionally And I'm tired of the bullshit and the cop-outs that she comes up with to shove me aside" I also told him what she said and told him "After Nathalie that's not something I need"

So I went home.. Sammy just called me and asked me to meet her somewhere tomorrow so we could talk. I don't want to because I know the speech I'm going to get.
"I like you but I don't want to be with you because blah blah blah" whatever. I'm done with it. Really. If she's going to be like that, then I don't want to have anything to do with her.

Anyway, that's my rant about the new girl, now back to Nath.

I hadn't spoken a word to her since I started at Subway. And a couple days ago she piped up, obviously missing the attention I fed to her for months. She kept trying to get me to slip and go back into the old compliments to her or the attention, but I just talked about sam. Showed her a few of the pictures up above. She obviously was jealous, and kept trying to turn the convorsation back to her. I wouldn't let her.


But eventually I Did. After she admitted she liked me by saying "I hate you so much right now, cause you're always right"

"I'm not always right. I wasn't right about how I thought you felt about me"

"You're ALWAYS right..."

"Oh so you did like me then? What changed?"

"Of course I did. I wouldn't have gone on all those drives with you or texted you 24/7 if I didn't. and it changed because we started to fight and I felt ignored"

Of course you felt ignored. I stopped talking to you and started paying attention to a girl who liked to talk to me just for the sake of talking to me.

Whatever. I'm sick of bullshit. I'm sick of women. I'm sick of everything. I think I'll just focus on paying my bills and go back to my life of going to work and then just going home...

Time to run scared I guess... As usual...