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:/
I just got off the bus,
And...Today was a bad day.

I woke up,
Everything was fine.
I got on the bus, every okay.

No wait.
I take all that back.
It started off terrible,
Because I got a text from Taylor,
Telling me that her parents beat her yesterday,
And a bunch of other crap that's been going on.

That just brought me downnnnnn,
And that down continued to spiral.

I tried to be happier, but it was rainy,
And then Adam didn't show up in the morning,
But Clarence was on the bus, which meant they didn't have Band practice,
So he most likely missed the bus.

And last night, we texted for maybe 2 minutes, him telling me that he was just worked to the bone by his parents,
And how he didn't want to tell his real dad about it, simply because.
I convinced him to call, but no one answered. :/

So, with Adam's problems, and Taylor's problems,
Now Jayne apparently was forced into getting her hair cut really short.
Amy and I thought she like, shaved everything off,
But luckily it was only a handful of inches;
She still had a full head of hair.

But, she was still crying and upset about it anyhow. :/

These three things kinda kept bringing me down all day,
And eventually, Adam's distance during lunch only added to the problems.

He said that he'd repeat the hallway-scene again,
But he didn't, right when he had the chance.

I got on the bus after school ended, ticked at Adam for not doing anything,
Sad about Taylor's predicament,
And down on Jayne's, too.

All of this added up, and I decided to just lay my head down against the bus seat in front of me.

Clarence asked me what was wrong,
Which is more than what Amy did.

In any case, I just told him I was tired, and he shrugged and sat back.

I sat there, and the songs played, and..
And I started to wonder.
..Well,
Not wonder,
So much as think about everything.

I remembered how different it was when we were dating,
And how...How better it felt, being with Clarence, than it did with Adam.

I mean,
I love Adam.
...Right?

I mean, come on.
He says he loves me constantly.
I know he's not lying.
...
But now..
I'm wondering if I am.

I text him every night, to I can maybe prove it to myself.
And.....I don't know anymore.

I was talking to Dominique a few days ago,
And he was saying how he was still going to go for Clarence again,
And I was just like "Mmhm, yeah, whatever" sorta on the subject.

:/

I think I miss him more than I've realized.

Or,
Maybe this is just my withdrawl again.
I've gone through these emotions several times.

But,
This time is different.
Clarence asked me before if I thought he changed,
And I told him that I didn't see much of a difference.

But,
After Dominique told me what Clarence told him, after Dominique asked him about why he couldn't get over him,

Clarence, instead of using the same reason that he gave to me;
"Because I was your first"
He said something else.

I hate how I can't remember what it was,
But Dominique clearly told me "no, he said ___."

Maybe it was something like,
"You still have feelings"
Or something.

I don't know..
And honestly?
Dominique is a great guy and all, but..

I can't help but feel that nagging voice pulling at my head, screaming;
"No. We were way better than he and you could ever be."

I wish I could make up my mind.

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