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I own nothing. 'Easier To Run' By: Linkin Park. Album: Meteora

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Easier To Run

He taught me to stand up for myself... face my fears. Both of them did. And I still didn’t listen. I was always taught to listen to and honor my elders. And so far... I’ve brought nothing but shame to both of them. One is probably rolling in his grave right now because of it.

It’s hard to change one's ways... many have never had to try before. They either take life how it is, or it’s set just right for them.

~It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone~

I still am that hard-headed kid they all knew. I don’t believe anything until it’s shown to me or until I’ve proven it myself. I still... run...

~Something has been taken
From deep inside of me
A secret I’ve kept locked away
No one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show
They never go away
Like moving pictures in my head
For years and years they've played~

It’s not every day things. It hasn’t gotten that bad... yet. It’s that one thing, that one memory that is supposed to stay hidden... locked away... but it’s that very memory that unlocks all those dormant emotions within me that were never meant to be seen by society’s eyes.

I’m Robin. The Boy Wonder. I’m supposed to be the leader of the Teen Titans. Keep a cool head, always know what to do in every situation. I’m the ultimate good guy. I’m always supposed to win and end every battle with a cheesy comment for the villain as they’re being hauled off to jail.

The only thing that is ever supposed to bother me is if one of my comrades are hurt of if the city is in peril. The others can have their problems and show them, but me... no, I’m the leader. I must be strong. If I’m not strong, we all fall apart.

I raise my arm up and wipe the sweat away from my forehead after a hard training session. That usually helps me clear my head... but the memories are getting stronger, so are the guilt trips...

~If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would
If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave~

I take a quick shower then get re-dressed in clean but familiar attire. It’s time for my weekly visit. The others don’t know where I go every week. They’ve tried to follow me, well, Beast Boy did out of sheer curiosity and Starfire tried out of worry, but I drove them both away with reassuring words of comfort.

I think I’ll walk today instead of taking my cycle. It’s bright and sunny, such a strange contrast toward my mood. Starfire convinced the others to go out on a picnic; I think she might have even gotten Raven to get some sun on her alabaster skin. I gently declined though. The others try to get me to go, but after I shoot them a certain look, they know not to bother me anymore.

~It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone~

Half way there... they both ran, so why can’t I? My father, he ran off to the circus. Bruce... he didn’t exactly run, he became a vigilante. A wise woman once told me that, “There is an easy way and then there is the right way.” My dad took the easy way... but he was a stupid kid. Bruce... in the eyes of society, he took the right way... but in the eyes of the law, he’s nothing but a nuisance; trouble.

My father never had to worry about others once he joined the circus... but he always had inner demons troubling him. Whereas, Bruce, he handles other demons on a daily basis as well as inner demons on his own. Why does the right path have to be so hard?

~Sometimes I remember
The darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories
I wish I didn’t have
Sometimes I think of letting go
And never looking back
And never moving forward so
There would never be a past~

I still can’t get the twisted and mangled bodies out of my head... I’m oh-so tempted to let Raven in. To let her take these haunting memories away.

I shake my head clear as I walk through a glass door and up to the counter. I buy a dozen red roses and walk back out. I then walk up one block and then through two huge rusted, ebony gates and look around for three familiar tombstones. Walking over, I sit down and lay four roses on each grave.

This routine is very familiar to me, probably to them as well. “I’m sorry...” I say with a low voice. “I can’t get it out of my head, nor can I stop from running. I push others away and train until my body almost collapses on itself to get away from the thoughts... the visions... the voices...”

~If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would
If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave~

“They accuse me... And they’re right. I should have done more... I should have made sure the rope was secure, I should have landed early to catch you... I... should have told somebody. But I was scared. Why did it have to happen?”

~Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don't feel misplaced
Is so much simpler than change~

These are the only people I trust to talk to. Around the others, I put on a front. A happy teenager with no worries, whom never has any problems that can’t be solved with some tough training or a good slice of pizza.

~It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone~

Raven knows how I truly am... and yet, I still put up that front when around her. My father ran away physically... I run away mentally but still put myself through physical hell to stay where I wish I was.

~It's easier to run
If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made~

Checking my watch, I begin to leave. Leaving my true self and walking back into the false life I’ve created for myself and the others I live with. I will keep up this life. I’ve grown too comfortable with it. I designed this life to over-shadow the last, and so far it’s done a pretty good job.

There will always be cracks, there will always be the tendency to break, but that’s what makes this life challenging. Yes, you may say this is the easy way out, but in my mind which has many ducts and secret passages... I have a new responsibility to protect the others. And if I must take the ‘easy way’ to do it, then I will. If I have to take the ‘easy way’ to protect them from myself... then so be it. If I take the right way now... I’d be sent to the city funny-farm. I wouldn’t be able to cope with anything... if I admit certain things... I’d go crazy. Some day, I will have to admit certain things -everything- to myself... in front of others... but that’s some day, not today. Today, they will still know me as Robin, Leader of the Teen Titans. Unflinching, happy-go-lucky, all the right moves, always on top of his game, always knows what to do in the heat of battle, Robin. And that’s all they will ever know me as. And everything they don’t know about me will go with me...

~It's so much easier to go
If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame, to the grave~

...straight to the grave.