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The Death of Miss Moo-Moo

Once upon a time, three girls were sitting down at the breakfast table at school. Their names were K-dude, Lissa, and Rei. As K-Dude and Rei were talking, Lissa took on a shocked face and pointed towards Rei’s carton of milk. “There’s an ice skating cow on your milk carton!” She exclaimed. Neither K-Dude nor Rei saw the alleged cow, but as a joking gesture, Rei lifted her hand and made a flicking motion with her fingers. Both girls thought Lissa was joking, either that or she was on crack at the time, before they heard a faint “Moooo!” that seemed to slowly fade away as the seconds passed by.

Looking a couple feet away from them on the floor, they found a little moo-cow appear before their eyes. She had on a light blue tutu just below her utter, light blue ice skates and a pink tiara.

Soon, they heard a squeal then a pop and finally, a squish. Miss Moo-Moo had been killed. Killed by one big ******** shoe.

At her funeral, all her friends and family cried and Miss Moo-Moo was given a 21 ding salute. Everybody was quiet as they sounded off the bell. ~Dingle dingle dingle dingle... Dingle dingle dingle dingle... Dingle dingle dingle dingle... Dingle dingle dingle dingle... Dingle dingle dingle dingle... Dingle dingle dingle dingle... Dingle dingle dingle dingle... Dingle dingle dingle dingle... Dingle dingle dingle dingle... Dingle dingle dingle dingle... Dingle dingle dingle dingle... Dingle dingle dingle dingle... Dingle dingle dingle dingle... Dingle dingle dingle dingle... Dingle dingle dingle dingle... Dingle dingle dingle dingle... Dingle dingle dingle dingle... Dingle dingle dingle dingle... Dingle dingle dingle dingle... Dingle dingle dingle dingle... Dingle dingle dingle dingle...~

Without Miss Moo-Moo’s guidance, the farm where she had lived went haywire. The chickens began egging houses. The dogs began lighting paper bags full of their own doodie on neighboring house porches. The rooster refused to crow in the mornings and cut the wires on the farmer’s tracker. And the pigs began tipping cows.

One day, a beautiful black stallion appeared before the animals. He was an old, majestic and wise guide who had come to help the creatures with their dilemma. He had been the guide for many Indian Chiefs before. Especially in the Wannaslapahoe tribe. And the reason why he was here for these insignificant animals now was; they had gotten into the special brownies the farmer’s wife had made for the bake sale.

As the untamed wind blew his wild mane, he spoke with great wisdom. “What the ******** are ya‘ll doin’?!”

The animals looked down, shame evident in their eyes and upon their fury features.

“The passing of Miss Moo-Moo is sad but that doesn’t give you the right to act out as such. So this is my advice to you: Straiten up or I’ll ram my 15-inch hoof up yall’s asses. Got me?

The animals nodded their heads vigorously, some even sitting down quickly. And one chicken, the slut of the entire hen house, shuddering with delight at such a thought. With that gesture... the other animals slowly moved away from her.

With those magnificent words spoken, the incredible stallion slowly drifted away with the wind that also carried off small cotton parachutes that held new life just under them. Soon after, all the animals heard a loud thud. When they looked over, they saw one of the goats had fallen over. “Dude... we gotta lay off those brownies...” The other animals agreed, more for Miss Moo-Moo who had always shunned those baked goods.

So next time you take a drink of milk or perhaps eat some cheese or have any kind of milk product, remember the teachings of Miss Moo-Moo. She gave a lot to the community... a lot of Moo-cow ******** milk.