what do you do when your best friend totally sees right through you? he says he cares... when he makes you cry... and it makes you like him even more? why is this such a huge deal to me?! i dont understand him anymore =V_V= i no i probably sound like a complete and utter idiot... but... im just so confused... he tells me so many things that he wants to do... and he doesnt realize it hurts... like yesterday... he came up and sat in my lap (i no it sounds strange but we are friends lol) and he all like santa!! so i played along... and since it was just us to at the moment... he turns and looks at me and says... i wish i never lived sometimes courtney... and he started kinda like... well he had tears in his eyes which entirely shocked me... and im just like... why buddy? and im trying to keep back tears... and he's all like... well to be honest... hardly anyone looks at me right... they look to me as like a man whore... and im not (people are always ragging on him because he loves to hang with chicks and keep em safe) then he all like... and i have recently found out that a lot of my so called friends... arent actually friends at all... and at home... im just tired out there... i mean im glad i have you courtney... but... i just cant take it...
then after he told me all this... i kinda broke down... neither of us have seen eachother cry... and he asked me why i was crying... and i just couldnt tell him then because pplz started showing up...and so be and him just clung to eachother the whole day... then this morning... he was really sad... but he had me come and sit in his lap... and so we pretty much sat there until the bell rang... and i accidently fell asleep in his lap... i was exhasted =/ lol but ya... he smells so good =DD but ya anyways... i want to tell him how i really feal towards him... but i just dont know how... =V_V= because i know it will just make him feel incomfortable and weirded out... and i am one of those people toat dont like sharing these kinds of things around my friends at school... because at school i dont have one of these little journal things.. where i can just go and write how i feel and people can just come and read it... i honesty only right how i feel in this thing... but ya... and so my friends are always thinking im all happy go lucky most of the time... and i think they are starting to kinda get a taste of whats going on... because each day... i dont realize im doing it... but i kinda just walk away from the group and hang around by myself... then my buddy comes over... then everyone else comes over... then eventually its just me and him again or its just me... its usually just me tho lol... because he is the only one that knows whats going on... only because he practically pries it outta me =// and then there is my other friend... kelsey... she is amazing i can trust her with so much and she cant trust me... we tell eachother everything also... but her and my buddy dont really get along all that well... its not that they dont like eachother... its just that they just broke up so things are just kinda weird between the 2 of them but ya...
 H O B O Bandit · Thu Sep 11, 2008 @ 02:29am · 1 Comments |
