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life sucks so why do we have one, i used to think every life had a purpose, a meaning a reason they person is that, but now i'm not so sure, there are many things that are gonna be put on this journal, and i doubt many of you are even gonna read this


well yeah, a lot of things i feel i choose to hide behind a happy go lucky goofy mask, thats all i ever wear, i try to open up but all i ever do is pretend, pretend everythings ok. But everything isn't alright (sorry to the literates, i dont feel like making sentences or like doing special crap to make you happy) you think i'm happy cuae i'm laughing and smiling but thats just something you see, no one not even my family knows how ireally feel only me

more coming soon when ever i feel like .. maybe or maybe i'll just continue

yeah i liked quite a few people, in fact some of those people i even said i loved them, but i was never good enough, or i wasn't there type, so i was okay with that but what made it worst was the fact that that happened with every one i like, left and right, so i figured i was gonna be sing for my life, so i got used to that, but yeah it still hurts, especially with myspace, you send a request they add you then they're like, "i dont like you take a hint" i know i know why add them then, hell if i know but they do that, or they dont reply to you, but yeah i know i'm gonna be singl forever, cuase people say they care but they dont they only use you and say what they know you wanna here then they out and leave you for someone else


so far the only thing keeping me sane, is music and a real close friend who intern is going through the same s**t i am, and it sucks balls cuase when she's sad i am, even though i tyr to help it doesn't seem to work, so yeah, but she does help me out quite a lot and i love her for that


theres actually been a lot of times that i've wanted to cry but all i've gotten were a few tears, its like i can't cry anymore, they saying crying make you feel better, so why can't i cry is ther something wrong with me? has my heart completely disappeared, or am i just a empty body without a soul??


i know what some of you are thinking, i'm sure there are some people that like you, yeah they're are, and when i meet them, the first thing i get is 'you are so cute' and then a few min later they're trying to get in my pants and i like no, i mean i barely know them, but they dont understand no (its girls not guys, i know girls raping a boy wtf i know) and thats not the way i wanna meet possibly my wife or girlfriend, i mean come one wtf is with that