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Thought and Praises
I had an interesting past few days. Friday I started exploring the downtown San Fran area. I am getting used to the Muni and Bart. It was a fun experience and my roommate has been a nice companion. She is a wonderful friend. I got to see Haruhi because we went to the downtown mall. I bought some sexy lingerie and a silk robe. It was a lot of fun shopping! I also made a cd in preparation for a friend who was planning on visiting.
Saturday a certain someone came over. The Hanzou. Looking back on it, I might have been careless about it. It was fun overall though. Hanzou called that it was coming about 8 in the morning, freaking me out to the MAX. I walked all the way to the Daly City Bart stop, which feels much shorter than it looks. We went out to lunch after first stopping at my apartment. Hanzou spent the night. J's mother and father came over that evening and spent the night. While D tried to sleep Hanzou and I had a bit of fun. LMAO she could hear me apparently and it was incredibly creepy to her. We all laughed about it.
There was a party on the 7th floor which D, Hanzou and I all went together to. There were drugs and alchohal as usual. I watched over D for a while until she was high and drunk then Hanzou and I went back to the apartment for some one on one time. We had a bunch of fun once more. D never came back that night. I worried a lot before falling asleep. She is a big girl though.
I woke up and Hanzou and I had yet another round. I tried making an egg dish I had seen on tv. and it was a success! Whoot for me! I walked Hanzou to the Bart and took a ride with it to Powell then left. I got a lot of time to think about things. We talked a lot about the magical unicorn and I think it's fairy obvious when I talk about people on here. Oh well, it makes me feel more comfortable and at least I acknowledge that people actually read this and know I am talking about them.
Riding home on the M line I saw an Indian looking woman and her child. She was a beautiful women with a scornful expression. Her daughter had short hair and a bright pink dress on. It reminded me of the Tea garden. She was beautiful. I imagine that's how things were for the Tea garden when she was younger. She would playfully skip and her mother would focus on her problems.
HOW CAN PEOPLE BE SO CLOSE YET SO FAR?
Enough with the facts, now for me analysis and thoughts.
Everyone will think I slept with Hanzou. Almost everyone knows my history of wanting sex so it's understandable. I don't blame you at all but only wish you asked me about it. When it comes to sex and things around sex, it's a very intimate thing. It scares me a bit. That's why I don't like people seeing me naked or touching me unless it's my legs. I think sex should be for people that are in relationships. It's not something to do because you want to.
I've changed.
The hardest part of being around Hanzou was that it was so romantic. It doesn't mean to be, but it is. I have wanted to cry at moments because I don't believe things will ever change. I may have the desire and the patience to wait but Hanzou, I don't think it'll ever know the same want. I may end up storing all these feelings in the deep freezer forever. One can only hope that things work out for the best, whatever that may be.
Talking a lot about the magical unicorn made me realize that I am over most of my anger. There is only one thing that I remain PISSED about. The Lark. She is my song and joy. The unicorn keeps writing about how I am the b*****d father of the Lark and how it's poisoned it. I will not tolerate that. The Lark is fine. I talk to the Lark nearly everyday. How often does the unicorn talk to the Lark? How often does it listen to its song? How often has it helped with the tune or fixed a wing? The unicorn may not have done as much as I have but that doesn't mean it isn't beloved by the Lark or its mother. I treasure that it still has connection to the Lark but it is unforgivable to make assumptions that the Lark's problems are from me or that the Lark is stained from being my child. HOW DARE YOU!
Thinking of all of you, even those without hearts
-Sakura Elimindra Takachi
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