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I Have Been Thinking About Life A Lot Lately. I Know It Will Sound Like I'm Depressed And All That, But I Am Not.
Anyways,I Thought About How People Affect Me. How My Emotions Get The Best Of Me, I Always think About That Stuff. I Am Starting To Get Confused A Lot Because I Don't Want To Have Emotions, I Want To Get Rid Of Them. I Have Numbed Up A Few Of Them To Where I Just Don't Care About Anything Really. Which Is Really Bad For Me. [(For My Poems Anyways I Haven't Thought About A Good Poem Since Well A Few Weeks Ago. The Ones That I Have Posted Are Old.)] I Get Really Irritated Easily With My Mom. But The Punishments That I Get, Which Is Just Basically Being Yelled Back At, I Just Don't Mind. But My Actions Don't Show That. I Think My Body Is So Use To Caring That It Works Without My Brain Helping It Or Something. Because Well I Can't Focus Much Anymore. I Would Just Think. And If I'm Walking I Would Bump Into People, Even when I Notice Them. I Can't Remember Much Anymore Because I Just Don't Really Care. I Can't Pay Attention 'Cause I'm Too Busy Thinking About My Life.
I Think I Need a Shrink!

I Noticed That Only My Anger Gets The Best Of Me. I Don't Get Happy Because Apparently I'm Missing Joy In My Life. I Don't Want To Deal With Emotions, To Have The Pain Of Heart Brakes, The Embarrassment Of Humiliation, Ect.

I Get Confused Because Nothing Adds Up In My Head. I Can't Figure Out How To Get Them All Numbed Up.
Because Of My Personality Of Being The Leader
( Which I Don't Really Show In My Actions) I Have To Just Retaliate To Words Thrown At Me. Then I Get Really Pissed Off At Myself For That Action. Which Ends Up With Me Thinking Of How To Not End Up Reacting To It. Which I Get Confused About Cause I Do Not Have That Self Control. I Guess It Will Take Me Awhile To Really Get Control Of Myself. I Mean Come On I'm Only Thirteen. In Angered Situations With My Family I Normally Win Because I Know How To Use My Words To Find Your WeakNess And Make You Break. I Also Realize That I Can Only Think About These Things When I'm Alone And It's Quiet. I Can't Concentrate.I Keep People Out Of My Head. For Even If I Explain These Things To You. You Will Never Understand. I Don't Like Attention. I HATE It When People Ask Me What Is Wrong. I Will End Up Thinking Of 10 Ways Of How To Kill You. Don't Ever Explain Useless Things To Me. Unless I Ask, Cause Then You Are Using Up Valuable Space In My Memory, That I Could Be Using For More Important Useless Things.

I Like To Figure Things Out. Like My Life And How It Works. How I can Get Set Off. How It Feels To Be This Way And What Happened To Make Me Feel That. I Observe People And See How They React To Things And I Try To Get Inside Their Head. I Like To Be Alone .. Have Peoples Presences Out Of My Reach. I Like Being This Way. But I Want To Know Why. So I'm Stuck Thinking About My Life And Existence.
Curiosity Kills The Cat!

I Remember When I Never Wanted Anyone Inside My Head/Life. Well They can't Really Know If They Never Read These And Asked Me.. I Feel Like I Don't Know Myself. I Know That These Are Confusing A Bit. But I Feel Like I Just Have To Get It Out.
Maybe That Is Why I'm Searching So Hard