Sorry, this is going to be rather long ^^;;; But PLEASE, if you're going to read any of my entries, read this one? PLEASE!
Okay, so about four weeks ago, my cousin Caleb was in a horrible mood and it seemed to be because of his parents. I mean, he's 15 so of course that's gonna be his problem, but whatever x3 So I start talking to him about it and to keep away from his mom and sister and her husband, we went to his room. He told me that he was really religious and it sort of branched from that: his parents are more baptist and he's more pentacostle. So he STARTS with giving examples of things they're against that he's for. But I started asking a crap load of questions, since religion of any sort has always interested me. So here we are, getting into this deep discussion about god and the bible and demons and stuff, and I feel... I dunno, odd. At one point in time, he tells me he was being targeted by a demon of death and that he seriously came within inches of his life before he was able to ask for help from angels and stuff. That was like EPIC right there, my mind was flooded with all the images and paranoid feelings and stuff. So we go to sleep and I try to forget about it. The next night, Caleb's gone off to spend the night at a friend's house and the basement [where our rooms are] is empty. I've never been freaked out down there before, but as I was laying down and all the lights were off, I felt... Weird. It was like my room was so unfamiliar and the darkness actually had weight. So I fell asleep, shruging off this unease as just some paranoia. Then like, I woke up half way because the unease reappeared and I was trying to talk myself out of it again when it was like... it flared or something. My eyes snapped open, my heart was thundering, my breath quickened and my mind instantly snapped to my conversation with Caleb and how he was attacked by a demon of death just a few nights before. I was so afraid, I was actually petrified! I always thought that was just a saying, but it sure as hell is NOT. This entire time I'm trying to move, I'm racing thoughts like 'this isn't real' and 'if I don't believe in God, this shouldn't be happening'. But it was real. I felt a demon inches from my face, putting all this fear in my heart. Fear isn't even a strong enough word. I don't think there is one. I finally worked up the courage to move and the second I discovered I could, I got up slowly, trying my usual thing: If it was going to attack, let it. It was how I usually shook the feeling that something was there. When that didn't work, I flew upstairs and in the living room where I flicked on a light and calmed down. The presence wasn't there so I could sleep easily. About two or three days later, I told Caleb that I wanted Him in my life and he helped me out. It was SO emotional and SO epic, that I still get a knot in my throat. I had tried earlier that day, but it didn't work, so I felt... Alone, you know? But then Caleb was firm and said that it was because I still wasn't excepting him and that I wasn't trying hard enough. Then he said I had to pray. I did, nothing happened. I started to cry. When I was done, he said he was going to pray over me and [jeeze I'm crying ^^;;]I should do whatever I had the impulse to. I ended up in a ball, on my knees, weeping, and begging for even the slightest sign that he was there with me. All I wanted was something small, you know, just to FEEL like he was there. But he went the extra mile and actually laid his hand on my back... I cried harder, but because it was.. Epic. No other word for it. I was attacked another two or three times afterward by demons, but I flicked them aside like nothing <3
THEN... Last night, I asked Caleb a few more questions. They were... Oh yeah, how to properly kick a demon out [because I didn't know other than to ask Jesus to ^^;;;] and whether He didn't like cussing, or if it was just damning someone. [turns out he doesn't like obscenities at all] So then we started getting into a deeper conversaion about talking in tongues and I ended up asking him to help me with that. It was epic, too. He told me to just start praying aloud as he prayed over me and if my words started jumbling together or I say something that doesn't make sense, go with it. So I start praying and start tripping over my words, stuttering whenever I came to F's and S's and N's. Then words start slurring together and I feel light headed, so I sit down. We try again, and I start whispering what sounded like giberish, but it felt, I dunno, RIGHT or something. I feel light headed and sit again, more so this time. Once more, we have a go at it and it comes even faster, sounding like it did before and I heard Caleb say 'bow down before your Lord God Jesus Christ' and my knees give as I'm still mumbling this language that makes no sense to me, this language that only I can say. This language given to me and only me by my Lord. Again, EPIC. <3
Okay, so about four weeks ago, my cousin Caleb was in a horrible mood and it seemed to be because of his parents. I mean, he's 15 so of course that's gonna be his problem, but whatever x3 So I start talking to him about it and to keep away from his mom and sister and her husband, we went to his room. He told me that he was really religious and it sort of branched from that: his parents are more baptist and he's more pentacostle. So he STARTS with giving examples of things they're against that he's for. But I started asking a crap load of questions, since religion of any sort has always interested me. So here we are, getting into this deep discussion about god and the bible and demons and stuff, and I feel... I dunno, odd. At one point in time, he tells me he was being targeted by a demon of death and that he seriously came within inches of his life before he was able to ask for help from angels and stuff. That was like EPIC right there, my mind was flooded with all the images and paranoid feelings and stuff. So we go to sleep and I try to forget about it. The next night, Caleb's gone off to spend the night at a friend's house and the basement [where our rooms are] is empty. I've never been freaked out down there before, but as I was laying down and all the lights were off, I felt... Weird. It was like my room was so unfamiliar and the darkness actually had weight. So I fell asleep, shruging off this unease as just some paranoia. Then like, I woke up half way because the unease reappeared and I was trying to talk myself out of it again when it was like... it flared or something. My eyes snapped open, my heart was thundering, my breath quickened and my mind instantly snapped to my conversation with Caleb and how he was attacked by a demon of death just a few nights before. I was so afraid, I was actually petrified! I always thought that was just a saying, but it sure as hell is NOT. This entire time I'm trying to move, I'm racing thoughts like 'this isn't real' and 'if I don't believe in God, this shouldn't be happening'. But it was real. I felt a demon inches from my face, putting all this fear in my heart. Fear isn't even a strong enough word. I don't think there is one. I finally worked up the courage to move and the second I discovered I could, I got up slowly, trying my usual thing: If it was going to attack, let it. It was how I usually shook the feeling that something was there. When that didn't work, I flew upstairs and in the living room where I flicked on a light and calmed down. The presence wasn't there so I could sleep easily. About two or three days later, I told Caleb that I wanted Him in my life and he helped me out. It was SO emotional and SO epic, that I still get a knot in my throat. I had tried earlier that day, but it didn't work, so I felt... Alone, you know? But then Caleb was firm and said that it was because I still wasn't excepting him and that I wasn't trying hard enough. Then he said I had to pray. I did, nothing happened. I started to cry. When I was done, he said he was going to pray over me and [jeeze I'm crying ^^;;]I should do whatever I had the impulse to. I ended up in a ball, on my knees, weeping, and begging for even the slightest sign that he was there with me. All I wanted was something small, you know, just to FEEL like he was there. But he went the extra mile and actually laid his hand on my back... I cried harder, but because it was.. Epic. No other word for it. I was attacked another two or three times afterward by demons, but I flicked them aside like nothing <3
THEN... Last night, I asked Caleb a few more questions. They were... Oh yeah, how to properly kick a demon out [because I didn't know other than to ask Jesus to ^^;;;] and whether He didn't like cussing, or if it was just damning someone. [turns out he doesn't like obscenities at all] So then we started getting into a deeper conversaion about talking in tongues and I ended up asking him to help me with that. It was epic, too. He told me to just start praying aloud as he prayed over me and if my words started jumbling together or I say something that doesn't make sense, go with it. So I start praying and start tripping over my words, stuttering whenever I came to F's and S's and N's. Then words start slurring together and I feel light headed, so I sit down. We try again, and I start whispering what sounded like giberish, but it felt, I dunno, RIGHT or something. I feel light headed and sit again, more so this time. Once more, we have a go at it and it comes even faster, sounding like it did before and I heard Caleb say 'bow down before your Lord God Jesus Christ' and my knees give as I'm still mumbling this language that makes no sense to me, this language that only I can say. This language given to me and only me by my Lord. Again, EPIC. <3
