Some times it's easy, sometimes it's hard. For me it use to be really easy and now it's hard. It use to happen when I thought of sad things or when I felt really bad...
Then my nose would burn and the hot tears would fall. I would genuinely cry and sob for awhile....Back then I must have taken crying for granted. Now I miss it.. I cry now for only split seconds and only shed a couple of tears....I hate it. I wish I could cry sometimes but It's like I'm a dried up well. It sucks....
I haven't had a good tear fest since that night in the park with my......boyfriend....I....was afraid of being alone....Like now....except now....I refuse to cry....because if i do...I'll slip into that black hole and i always struggle when I try to get out of that hole....Then I'll feel helpless, lost, confused, hurt, depressed and in the end...suicidal. I don't want to feel like that again...so I try not to delve deep into those thoughts...cause If I do...it's over....It feels like a locked door inside my chest and it's pounding from the inside out. It makes me feel tired and I try to ignore it....I wonder how long I can go like this? Like Those festering flies that feast on Beelzebulbs flesh...Disgusting...just like me...
Then my nose would burn and the hot tears would fall. I would genuinely cry and sob for awhile....Back then I must have taken crying for granted. Now I miss it.. I cry now for only split seconds and only shed a couple of tears....I hate it. I wish I could cry sometimes but It's like I'm a dried up well. It sucks....
I haven't had a good tear fest since that night in the park with my......boyfriend....I....was afraid of being alone....Like now....except now....I refuse to cry....because if i do...I'll slip into that black hole and i always struggle when I try to get out of that hole....Then I'll feel helpless, lost, confused, hurt, depressed and in the end...suicidal. I don't want to feel like that again...so I try not to delve deep into those thoughts...cause If I do...it's over....It feels like a locked door inside my chest and it's pounding from the inside out. It makes me feel tired and I try to ignore it....I wonder how long I can go like this? Like Those festering flies that feast on Beelzebulbs flesh...Disgusting...just like me...
