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til it's gone is the saying right? i knew what i had... i loved what i had. then it was taken away. then there was this chance it was coming back, but i didn't want to be the one to say anything, and the moment passed. then i saw this slight hope that, while things were never going to be the exact same again, it would come again and i was so happy: even my mom commented on how much better my mood was and she doesn't know anything about this. but i saw it all slip away again just now. it's sad and it hurts. i didn't want it exactly the same, but it was starting over again new and exciting... whatever...