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Hair Removal....This is funny.

>

> (I don't have a clue as to who wrote this,

> but...WHAT A

> HOOT!)...................

>

> All hair removal methods have tricked women with

> their promises of easy,

> painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors,

> Nair and now...the

> wax. Read on.........

>

> My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come

> home, fix dinner,

> play with the kids. I then had the thought that

> would ring painfully in

> my mind for the next few hours: Maybe I should pull

> the waxing kit out

> of the medicine cabinet.'

>

> So I headed t o the site of my demise: the bathroom.

> It was one of those

> 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you

> just rub the strips

> together in your hand, they get warm and you peel

> them apart and press

> them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the

> hair right off.

>

> No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm

> not a genius, but I am

> mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA

> THINK!?!)

>

> So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips

> facing each other

> stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my

> genius kicks in so

> I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000

> degrees. ('Cold wax,' yea

> h...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold

> the skin around it

> tight and pull. It works!

>

> OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too

> bad. I can do this!

> Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah,

> fighter of all wayward

> body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

>

> With my next wax strip I move north. After checking

> on the kids, I sneak

> back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair

> fighting championship. I

> drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

>

> Using the same pro cedure, I apply the wax strip

> across the right side

> of my bikini line, covering the right half of my

> hoo-ha and stretching

> down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long

> strip).

>

> I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

> I'm blind!!! Blinded

> from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

>

> Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to

> pull off half the

> strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP!

> Everything is spinning and

> spotted.

>

> I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must

> stay conscious. Do I

> hear crashing drums??? Brea the, breathe...OK, back

> to normal.

>

> I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the

> one that has caused

> me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it.

> I want to revel in

> the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold

> up the strip!

>

> There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS

> THE ;WAX???

>

> Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on

> the toilet. I see the

> hair. The hair that should

> be on the strip...it's not! I touch...I am touching

> wax!!

>

> I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my

> body, which is now

> covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the

> next BIG

> mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the

> toilet? I know I

> need to do something. So I put my foot down.

>

> Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!

>

> I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure

> out what to do and

> think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to

> poop. My head may

> pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax?

>

> Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the

> hottest water I can stand

> into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered

> bits and the wax

> should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

>

> *WRONG!!!!!!!*

>

> I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than

> that said to

> torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical

> equipment - I sit.

>

> Now, the only thing worse than having your nether

> regions glued

> together, is having them glued together and then

> glued to the bottom of

> the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way,

> doesn't melt cold

> wax.

>

> So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though

> I had cemented

> myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had

> convinced me a few

> months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

>

> I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed

> before and has some

> secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good

> conversation starter

> 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the

> bottom of the tub!'

>

> There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret

> tricks< /SPAN> for

> removal but she does try to hide her laughter from

> me. She wants to know

> exactly where the wax is located, 'Are we talking

> cheeks or hole or

> hoo-ha?'

>

> She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I

> give her the rundown

> and she suggests I call the number on the side of

> the box.

>

> YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone

> else's night. While we

> go through various solutions. I resort to trying to

> scrape the wax off

> with a razor . Nothing feels better than to have

> your girlie goodies

> covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in

> super hot water and

> then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the

> brain is not working,

> dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure

> I'm going to need

> Post-Traumatic Stress counselling for this event.

>

> My friend is still talking with me when I finally

> see my saving

> grace....the lotion they give you to remove the

> excess wax.

>

> What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub

> some on and...OH MY

> GAWD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and

> scared the dickens out

> of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't

> care. 'IT WORKS!!

>

> It works !!' I get a hearty congratulation from my

> friend and she hangs

> up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax

> and then notice to my

> grief and despair...THE HAIR IS STILL HERE.....ALL

> OF IT!

>

> So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now.

> Nothing hurts. I

> could have amputated my own leg at this point.

>

>

> Next week I'm going to try hair color...