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Stupid-no-Jutsu : The art of being stupid.
Finally released in a totally unabridged format.
9.29.05


So, I was thinking today.


Maybe the world is better off without me in it.

Jen and Andrea helped me feel a little better last night. But this feeling just won't go away.

I feel like every single guy I come into contact can see past me and only see the things I have done. Maybe I was right when I had told Raymond that he was the only person I'd ever be with. Even after he was gone, I'd be alone no matter what.

I hate him so much, he used to be this wonderful person. But now all I see is hatred and disgust. Even though he does not vocalize his hatred, I can still feel it.

And you know what, I deserve that. Just as much as he deserves to die.

Its very unpleasant to feel remorse and hatred at the same time. I feel horrible for doing all the things I've done...maybe I did them to let people know I was actually capable of doing them. No one would suspect or believe that such a small, "sweet" looking girl could inflict so much damage upon a human being. Now that people know I can do these things (namely those who know me personally), theres this fear factor. They know not to piss me off royally. Once I get to a point in which I cannot come back from, I honestly can't hold back. Though I don't think I would ever go physical again. Every time I feel like going physical, I get this feeling of impending doom.

Some assholes I know would call this an exuse.

If there is no exuse for what I have done, then he should have no exuse either.

I may hate him, but I can never bring myself to fully hate him. He took my dignity, and thankfully nothing more than that. I can get that back in time.

Right now I just want to hurt myself. Like it really matters. I'm already sick, no one really noticed or gave a s**t, perhaps thats part of my punishment. I never really punished myself, so I guess I can get started.

I'm so upset at a lot of people right now that its making me physically sick.

I knew this plan would make me jealous, and hate-filled. Why did I ever agree to let her do this...









User Comments: [2] [add]
NightSymphony
Community Member
avatar
commentCommented on: Fri Sep 30, 2005 @ 04:08am
*hugs* heart I'm terrible with words....not that anything I'd say would really matter. But..I really do hope you don't hurt yourself any further. You just really need to not talk to the people that upset you so.


commentCommented on: Fri Sep 30, 2005 @ 04:10am
I haven't said a word to him in quite a while. Its the things I am seeing that are making me blood boil.

Its hard not to be around those people...

Thats why I just want to leave. But i don't want to leave the friends that are nice to me



ShaIIow
Community Member
User Comments: [2] [add]
 
 
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