So I don't want to sound like I am self centered, because I am not. But I like to take pride in the fact that I am a good friend. I set their needds before mine and I do everything in my power to help them and make the feel good. I do this even if it means hurting myself.
Than there are those times when I really do end up hurt. I feel great inside knowing that I helped someone out, but I am still in a great deal of pain. This is kind of what is going on with me now. I am so happy for my friend. I am to the point that I am probably just as excited that he has a new boyfriend, but at the same time, I am so incredibly sad. I feel like I am losing him. Like before long, I won't have him at all, and I will be alone again. I am so jealous of his boyfriend. I wish I got the same kind of love and affection. I wish I got the attention, but I know I never will. I feel so selfish when I say this, but there are times when I just sit and cry.
I keep telling myself that I shouldn't feel this way. That I shouldn't feel like my heart is broken, but it does. I keep telling myself that I don't love him. Not the way I thoguht I did, but no matter what I tell myself, I still feel like I am losing the closest person in my life.
What is wrong with me? I shouldn't feel like I have been left standing at the alter. I shouldn't feel like I have just been through the worst break up imaginable. Why? Why do I feel like I am never going to get him back. He wasn't even mine in the first place. I have no right to feel this way. There is nothing that gives me any reason to believe that I have any say in who he can see.
Regardless of how I feel, I will always support him. I always be there for him. Even when he hates me. I can't see him hurt even when it costs me. I would die for him.
 Trae Blackhawk · Tue Nov 04, 2008 @ 04:52am · 1 Comments |
